Category: Funny

I love you, Mommy. I love you on Thursdays.

I had a baby calendar for Gwendolyn when she was born, recording all of her firsts, and then some.  I decided to keep putting up new calendars to record any special memories, and ended up writing down lots of funny things she has said through the year.  Here are some highlights from  2010:

“Sh sh baby, I getting dressed”

“Oh my goodness!”

“What’s happened down there?”

“Where did baby brudder go?”

On her play phone: “Hello, I’m making eggs for Mommy, bye-bye”

To Daddy hugging Mommy: “No, that’s my sister!”

“This Genolyn’s table. NOT Daddy’s, NOT Mommy’s, NOT Josiah’s.  Genolyns.”

“I want to go in the nude.” ?!

“My curtains falling off!” Very upset – nightmare?

“That’s Mommy’sJosiah!”

Cashier: “You’re one smart ticket!” Gwen: “I not a chicken. I a GIRL!”

On the potty: “I can’t push the pee out.”

“He’s not a child, he’s Josiah!”

“I love you, Mommy. I love you on Thursdays.”

Mommy: “Grandma gave those to you.” Gwen: “That was nice of her.”

“When I grow down I used to play with it.”

“Mommy’s pants are on her own bottom.”

Eating lunch: “I don’t want to get my lips sticky.”

Mommy was running away from Daddy’s truck; Gwen says “Have to be careful in the street.”

Mommy: “You could bring your pony.” Gwen: “Actually like a unicorn.”

Gwen: “Guess what I’m making!” Mommy: “What are you making?” Gwen: “I don’t know!… It’s gonna be good guys!”

“I want to play with you Daddy. And that’s the end of the story.”

[sing-songy voice] “I am the princess, and Daddy is the queen.”

“I will be safe in the dark with you.”

To Daddy, going outside – “not in the ocean, though.”

“He’s so happy, Naughty Boy.”

“I ate a bite of candy & it went down my throat.”

“Daddy’s got to go and get some money and when he comes back he will give me some money” (hand outstretched)

Mom to Dad: “don’t leave me with these monsters! Gwen: “We are not monsters, we’re kiddos!”

Advertisements

irony

I went to the dollar store after work today, and of course couldn’t resist buying something sugar-y. I settled for a box of Snow Puffs, which are a pretty yummy toned-down version of Snowballs – they’re “fudge cookies with marshmallow and coconut,” and they’re not too big and don’t contain an excessive amount of calories. Anyhoo… so I’m sitting in my car afterwards, munching on one of these puffs, when a car pulls into the space in front of me. As I took another bite of the sugary treat, I noticed the license plate – it read “PUDGY.”

dirty messages

you know how people write messages in the film of dirt on their car windows? well, the other day i was behind a van with a one such message – nevermind “wash me,” it read: “pay taxes or go home!” hehe. glad to know i’m not the only one with such sentiments.

NNA

most women probably know what “na” means in bra terms. for those of you who don’t – either because you’re a male of the species or because you’ve been blessed enough to never have to encounter those letters – it means “nearly a.” which means, in breast terms, “barely there,” or in keeping with the letters, “nearly absent.”

to my utter disparagement over the years, i’ve discovered that when i gain weight, i gain it last on top, and when i lose, i lose it first on top. no wonder i’m so disproportionate. well, i couldn’t help but notice the other day that even my na bra (the best-fitting one i’ve encountered so far, sad to say) wasn’t fitting so well. that should, in a weird roundabout way, be a good sign – i’m losing weight, right? alas, weight loss from that part of the body should not be celebrated. in any case, i couldn’t help dubbing my new size as nna – “not nearly a.” at least i gave myself a chuckle.

there’s nothing worse…

“nothing is worse than paying too much for tv.”

huh? and some people probably believe it! sometimes in the morning i turn the tv on to watch the news or whatever while i eat breakfast, fold laundry, dust around the house, whatever. well, there was a commercial for some cable company, and that was the guy’s tagline. i couldn’t believe it! i can think of plenty of worse things. for instance: having to settle for a tall starbuck’s coffee rather than a grande, only being able to afford the one-at-a-time netflix membership rather than three (ahem!), having to pay too much for a movie ticket – i mean, the prices at the theatre these days, c’mon! =shakes head=

in all honesty… gimme a break, just scroll down to the “invisible children” and fuck the tv. sometimes i want to give up many of the things that people consider “luxuries” just to see how i’d get along without them (internet included – *gasp!*).