Time Is Relative

I can’t believe Gwendolyn is already 3 weeks old… almost one month! Like so many things, it seems to have passed so quickly; yet the days themselves seem to go on forever.

Being a new mommy has been intensely emotional. It’s hard enough going from an almost-ten-month pregnant state, through labor, directly into caring for this tiny, helpless human being. There are times when it just hits me – I can’t believe she’s mine. And that she came out of me. WEIRD.

Much of the time, I find myself crying right along with Gwen – what am I doing wrong? I’m supposed to be caring for her, but it seems all I can do is make her cry. Phil can pick her up, walk around with her, talk to her, and she seems mesmerized; get her near me, and she screams to be fed. And I won’t even get into how the nursing’s going. *sigh*

For the past few days, I keep thinking, maybe I’m not cut out for this mommy thing. Of course, I immediately feel guilty, because I love Gwen so much, wanted her so badly, and wouldn’t give her up for anything. But I’m wondering how I’m going to get through this. I try to remember that women have done this for centuries (and many without modern conveniences) – if they can do it, so can I.

I hope.