Sadness Abounds

My dad called again last night and told us my grandfather’s injuries were fatal. I can’t believe he’s going to die in a matter of hours, days. I can’t stop crying for thinking of what a sweet man he has been despite his disabilities (losing his vision hit him really hard); what a caring husband he’s been to my grandmother, sticking by her and insisting she would recover when the family thought for sure she would pass and breaking down at having to see her in her many ailments; how he’s always bounding up to the grandchildren when the family gets together and saying how glad he is to see us like it’s a sacred privilege to see us again; how he told me just last week that he was looking forward to the arrival of our baby.

Now the roles are reversed for my grandparents – Grandma is holding onto the hope that God can work miracles, but the doctor said even in a man of 25, the prognosis wouldn’t be good (Grandpa is 93). There are things that could be done to prolong his life for, say, a couple days – but it would be unnecessary and cause more discomfort.

The family got together at the trauma emergency last night, and we stayed around his bed until midnight. A couple of their current/my former pastors were there, and we talked amongst ourselves for a while. Once you’re there, and you’re talking for a while, you kind of sober up – then you start reminiscing about old times, remembering him as he was, thinking how he’ll be gone soon… it’s heartbreaking. I know he’s headed Home, and really we should be envying him the chance to leave this world – but these things are sad no matter the perspective.

My aunt Sherry – my father’s sister and my grandparents’ adopted daughter – lives in Minnesota and will be flying down today, and the family will be getting together again this afternoon. Last night, I kept waking up and thinking about it all over again, and kept praying for who knows what (how do you pray?). I kept praying to be able to sleep, because I can’t stand the pain… and then I had death dreams all night.

My poor grandmother, what will she do on her own? And my poor father, having to watch his dad go through this. I’m just so sad, I can’t believe this is happening.