Rambling Update

Hm, where do I start? First of all, a positive note: I finally got to see an endocrinologist yesterday, and I really like her. The office is right across the street from my ob-gyn, so even though I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find it (Tollgate Rd is swarming with office buildings), it was a piece of cake. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and when the doctor walked in I was pleasantly surprised. She’s a tall black woman, gorgeous skin and lips, and she was wearing regular clothes, so there was nothing overly professional and sterile-looking about her. She made me feel right at ease, asked a lot of questions, and really listened to what I had to say. Usually I feel like doctors try and rush me, give me some pat answer so they can get onto their next patient, and I didn’t feel like this at all.

I did feel a little bit like some of my concerns weren’t taken seriously, just because I might not be worst-case scenario. For instance, I’m not obese, but I am overweight for my height; and since my skin has definitely improved with treatment and I was wearing makeup, my tendency towards acne wasn’t as apparent as it has been in the past. Just some examples. But I got a whole bunch of blood drawn today, and they’re gonna run some tests and I find out next month what the results are.

We attended a funeral yesterday afternoon. It was for Phil’s sort-of-adopted-grandfather, so I really didn’t know him, but felt obliged to attend. I felt weird the whole time, while Phil’s family knew everyone and had something to say. We went to the wake Monday, the funeral service yesterday morning, then drove to the cemetery for his… I don’t know what it’s called… Army salute? At the end, when they fired the shots off and payed him tribute, I felt like I absorbed everyone’s grief. I had to rush to work to make it in time, and had a thoroughly depressing rest of the day.

When I got to work, there were a whole bunch of emergency phone calls, patients wanting to see the doctor ASAP for toothaches and what not. Especially as of late, I’ve felt extremely limited in my position in the dentist office. I don’t always know how to answer someone, and don’t want to make things worse by suggesting something from my limited knowledge. Well, I was juggling getting in touch with some of these patients. trying to squeeze them in and please anyone without cancelling other apts, and a patient called and said she had a “complaint.” I tried to be as pleasant and understanding as possible, but she basically told me I wasn’t doing my job, and if that I couldn’t handle her billing she would have to see another dentist.

*sigh* I ended up being right about what we were discussing, but she made me feel so puny, I almost started crying. How is it someone can totally ruin your day, even if you know they’re in the wrong? I didn’t want to keep insisting she was wrong, so I just tried to point out the facts… and she told me she spoke with someone else who confirmed that she as correct. Arrrgh. How do you deal with these difficult people? It could have just been a misunderstanding… but still.

Today, one of our patients left a message saying he had been to the oral surgeon to whom we had referred him, and that surgeon told him to get a root canal ASAP. Dr. H. rarely does root canals himself; he refers out. So I gave him the name of an endodontist (believe me, I get confused with all the different doctors myself… there are also periodontists!), and told him to bring the x-ray we initially gave him and relay what the oral surgeon told him. (takes a breath) Well… one of the staff at the endodontist office calls, says this patient called them, and asks me for more information on him. Um, well… I only knew so much, and basically said he had complained of pain, saw Dr. H. yesterday, was referred to an oral surgeon, who told him to get the root canal ASAP – so we referred him to YOU! Well… that wasn’t good enough, and I really had nothing else to tell them. There was nothing written in the patient’s folder to go on, I only knew the amount I knew because of what the patient told me over the phone and the fact that I gave him the endodontist’s name. Then it seemed like she was questioning why I referred him in the first place; she didn’t recognize Dr. H’s name – do we normally refer to them? Yes, in fact they’re the only endodontists to which our office refers. Well (again)… the patient calls me back and says they’re booked for three weeks and can’t make him an apt. Why didn’t they tell him this in the first place?! Because they just didn’t like what I had to tell them; I guess my limited knowledge didn’t qualify him as an emergency patient even though he was told to get this done. (sigh) Did you follow all that?

So today I was rather discouraged about two specific days in a row where I’ve felt extremely lacking. I decided to type up a – yay! – list of “professional” options I’ve been throwing around just so I could be honest with myself and see them all in front of me. Here’s that list, and the outcome isn’t very hopeful:

1) Office Manager – I could get a certificate for taking the Dental Office Management Program online at the Warschaw Learning Institue for $400, but would need full-time hours to qualify for non-DANB-certified assistants/office personnel exam (which would give further credentials for the position). Even as a secretary now, I feel extremely limited.

2) Dental Assistant – mostly likely entails full-time schooling (based on all I’ve found in my research with pre-reqs and credits needed), for which I can’t afford the time nor the money.

3) Coffee Shop – have neither the necessary management skills, nor the location and means to set up shop. Have gotten positive feedback and could research the field more, but feel I wouldn’t get the desired healp from my family.

4) Wedding Cakes – don’t have enough experience – take a class? The only place I’ve found that gives affordable classes is Michael’s, and I have a feeling these are rather novice in nature. Also, I don’t have a separate kitchen (plus other equipment and supplies) necessary for operating a baking business out of the home, and not sure what business costs would entail. Can be stressful, but with more education, the correct environment and tools – and a head for marketing – could be done. *sigh*

* What I can offer – organized, friendly, reliable, trustworthy, creative to an extent, ability and willingness to learn and excel, will go above and beyond especially if encouraged

* Shortcomings – no further education/degree, not much experience in any one thing, flexible to a certain degree (not willing to drop everything to come in at a moment’s notice – I have other priorities), hesitant until I feel comfortable, won’t overstep my boundaries (and do more than asked) if not welcome

* Want to stay away from – cleaning, waitressing, most counter help

I started feeling sick at work today, and that – coupled with all that’s on my mind – made me rather grumpy and impatient upon getting home. Phil asked me – again, after my apologetically explaining to him in detail why I was against the idea – whether or not I wanted to attend two fire department dinners. I told him I would rather not, but would if he wanted to. Of course he wants to! I feel I really need to adjust my attitude about this, but I don’t know how! I put up with not seeing him a lot, I make him goodies to take, I don’t criticize all the time he spends on it – although when his cell phone is constantly ringing even when he’s at home I tell him to turn it off, and he’s doesn’t care – I make pies for the membership dinner, ETC. Well… when I explained how uncomfortable I feel at these functions, how I have NOTHING to offer in the way of conversation because I have nothing to say about the politics and don’t think the guys should be gossiping about other things that are going on, he just didn’t get it. ALL they talk about is fire department STUFF, and even when we get together with his parents, that’s all they talk about (his father is chief now)… and I’m totally alienated. How do I become okay with this? HELP!

So that’s that. I’ve been having these constant eye twitches, and am not sure if it means anything. When I googled it, this is what I came up with: “Stress and anxiety can play a large roll in chronic eye twitching. Therefore, stress management skills may be one of the first treatments prescribed.” Hm, can we say “easier said than done?”