money makes the world go ’round

I find it hard to “have faith” that things will just “work out.” Upon any sort of bad news, or even when things don’t necessarily go the way I’d planned, I tend to lash out and wonder ‘WHY?!’ We recently applied for a loan to – hopefully – finish off the addition on our house, which has been five years in the making. We were trying to complete it without going into debt, but of course we don’t put aside that much money – and who are we kidding, there are always other avenues that snatch up our money. The vehicles being one of the major culprits. I needed four new SUV tires this year, and will need a new windshield before inspection. Philip just had a $5,000 overhaul on the bed of his truck. *groan*

Anyhoo… we thought a loan might be a good idea, all things considered. Well, just the other day, we found out our [already exorbitant] mortgage bill would be going up $100/month. Arrrgh! I feel like, in EVERY area of my life, it’s ALWAYS one step forward, THREE (or more) steps back. Why do I never succeed? We had been talking about plans for the addition – the end is so close, I can almost taste it. I was talking about possibly taking classes, because I’m feeling really restless, “career”-wise. It just costs way too much to live these days – and I DON’T want to hear the luxury theory. Grrrr.

Let’s face it – you need a place to live, and that costs money. If you have a job, you need a car. If you have a car, that takes tons of maintenance (and boy, do those vehicles eat up your money). If you’re living and breathing, you need to eat, and that costs money (the cheapest foods aren’t even healthy). Oh – speaking of health, I forgot insurance. Auto is mandatory if you want a license, and I suppose you have more leeway with health coverage… but Philip says this is one area where he won’t budge, because “you never know.” (Oh – and our insurance just went up. Again.) And we don’t even have dental! How ironic, considering I work for a dentist.

There are only a couple “luxuries” I can think of where we could cut back – but these don’t amount to much. First is our internet connection. We don’t even have high-speed or cable or anything, and it’s only about $10/mos. BUT – not only do I use the internet to keep in touch with friends and family, I use it to make money, and that totally offsets the cost. So that’s out. Then there’s Netflix – $10/mos. Again, not a lot. It’s our major source of entertainment (other than the occasional roll in the hay), and since we hardly ever go to Blockbuster anymore, I think we may be “saving” in that respect. What else? Eating out. We don’t eat out a lot, and when we do, our meals last two or three days – so that, in and of itself, isn’t very expensive. The only other thing I can think of are the incidentals, which must add up like crazy – things that don’t add into our grocery budget. Like, makeup and face wash, for instance. The occasional new blouse or pair of jeans, a birthday gift this month and having the family over for a big dinner the next. I KNOW those add up. How can you not spend money on those things? It’s part of life. *sigh*

So… I’m not sure how to pray. AS USUAL. I mean, am I supposed to exercise more restraint… just TRUST that things will be okay, EXPECT money to just fall from the trees along with the leaves (how great would that be)? What are some of the things YOU do to cut back, budget, expect the best in a tough situation? I feel like we’re living above our means – but it’s really our only option! How can we enjoy the life God gave us, expect to make a difference, when we’re bogged down with these alebeit (in the eternal aspect) trivial things? I HATE MONEY!