unfit mother

I feel like I attract and exude disappointment these days – and that’s not just my pessimism talking. Despite all the other stuff going on that is perhaps more deserving of bereavement, the topic at hand is my missing kitty, and the search for a new one. It started when I decided to visit the local shelters to see if anyone had found Nala and dropped her off (this has happen before when our dog ran off). When it became apparent that Nala would most likely not be coming back, and after reading the various pleas on shelter websites to please adopt cats – we are at capacity and have an urgent need for homes! – I decided it would be nice to adopt another.

Well, I found a couple Bengal cats at a shelter in CT – I e-mailed them, filled out an application, informed them of my specific interest, and said I wouldn’t mind the drive if they were the right ones. They replied that, since I would consider letting them outdoors, and in fact had already lost one under those circumstances – “we would feel horrible if anything happened to our shelter cats!” – they didn’t have any cats that would meet my needs, and perhaps an area shelter would better suit. *sigh* I felt bad, and slightly miffed, but decided it was for the best because then I wouldn’t have to make the drive.

I’ve since been to a couple other places after endlessly perusing various listings on petfinder – was considering some other places but their adoption fees are pretty steep – and finally decided on two of the cutest orange kitties from the Pet Refuge here in North Kingstown. Tang and Twinkie appear to be normal orange kittens, but they are the sweetest little things. To be honest, I wasn’t immediately drawn to them online – but when I visited the shelter a couple days ago, I fell in love with their dispositions. I have always been partial to orange cats to begin with (family members still talk about Aslan kitty from our home in Johnston), but I had decided I would probably just get an older cat. While I made the rounds of the cat cages – numerous times, because I wanted to pet the cats more than once, they so wanted the attention – these little brothers just stood at the door of their cage, watching me with their quiet, peaceful-looking eyes, patiently waiting their turn. They look like wise old souls in pretty, furry orange bodies. Today, when I dropped off the adoption application (with some cans of cat food), I wanted to hold them – and it was so lovely! Each one took a turn, and they sat quietly in my lap. Tang, the first one I held, leaned up towards my face and touched his nose to mine. It just stole my heart!

Well, the lady who runs the establishment was rather stern in some of the questions she asked. She told me she wasn’t so sure about the fact that I wanted to let the cat outdoors at times, and that my other cat couldn’t have run away – “cats never run away, and people don’t take them – there are so many cats, why would they take them? – wild animals kill them.” I assured her that I was leaning towards keeping them in most of the time because I was nervous about what happened to Nala, but she kept shaking her head, disapproving. *sigh* It doesn’t look promising.

I feel so sad right now. I’ve read that all these shelters are at capacity, desperate for homes for the cats, and at least two won’t let me have a cat because something happened to another of my pets. I don’t understand! I really want these kitties, and will be so sad if they deny my application. I feel like I’m an unfit cat mother, and not even a piece of Carvel ice cream cake leftover from 4th of July (it actually still tasted alright) could boost my spirits.