ben invited me to go to sanctuary with him tonight. i was hesitant at first; dan had invited me in the past, and i know some of the people who go there and didn’t want it to turn into the uber-social event that impact used to be for me. granted, i was all for that kind of thing at that time… but not anymore. at least, i can’t see that happening.

i’m not the most social individual – although i do like people. i’ve just never found it very easy, or particulary beneficial, to mingle. oftentimes i’ve struggled with church attendance – if the main reason for going is not “forsaking the gathering of believers” or what have you, then i might as well just stay home because i’m just going to sit in the back and slip out the door when it’s over. i know we can glean important lessons from the message, encourage each other in mutual worship, yadda yadda… but the whole social thing has always been a point of contention for me. nevermind that i always end up mentally flogging myself whilst listening to the message.

well, i found the worship tonight exactly what i needed. the lights are dimly lit, candles burning and the shadows their flickering cast playing against the walls. there were some announcements, an encouraging message, wtith the rest of the evening spent singing worship songs. i sat the whole time – but some people stood or lifted their hands when inspired. i didn’t know every song, but sang along with the ones i recognized, read the words and contemplated over the ones i didn’t. i cried at some points, thankful that the lights were low. it was just so nice to sit there, just be, and not have to worry about anything. and everyone slips out quietly at the end. i didn’t feel like getting any coffee downstairs afterwards, but it looked to me like it was the same quiet atmosphere. i drove home in silence, contemplating the evening, and some of the things that need to be done.

this was my favorite kind of worship – think i will go again next week.

just a little side note about sanctuary: it’s located at christ church in east greenwich. the church website gives more information than that of its youth service.