i blew it

i blew it, i blew it, i blew it. doing so well, having a treat here and there so i would be satisfied… and today i just couldn’t stop craving sugar. i think because i’ve been reading cookbooks. i’ve been desperate for low-cal dessert ideas, but of course all the good stuff isn’t low-cal! i was doing fine… but i think because i kept going over it in my head, i just got used to the idea and set myself up for failure.

i don’t even want to begin adding up all the calories. i had had a couple pieces of german chocolate, which brough me to about 1,300. i should have stopped there – i would have been fine, if not somewhat overindulgent. then i had to go and pack my brother’s lunch for tomorrow – i eyed the four no-bake chocolate peanut butter cookies i had been saving for him, and popped ’em one by one into my mouth.

that’s alright – i still had the chocolate cake left over from a couple days ago. i made a really yummy peanut butter topping (tastes like reeses – sooo good!), and while wrapping that up for him indulged in three pieces for myself! plus some peanut brittle, complements of my grandmother. it was supposed to be for philip, but he hasn’t been eating any – can’t let it go to waste!

debating whether or not to stay up all night and exercise. (pause) telling myself that as long as i start fresh tomorrow, not much damage is done. good thing i don’t own a scale! i know how fast i gain weight, so now i’m a might scared.

i know i tend to be an emotional eater – being by myself all the time and having to contend with negative thoughts and emotions can be a real bummer, and just making my mouth happy with yummy flavors momentarily fools my mind. ah, what fleeting pleasure.

on another note: i did have a couple yummy, healthy, snacks that i would like to share.  1 cup dannon light ‘n’ fit vanilla yogurt with a serving (1/3 cup?) of mandarin orange segments canned in juice, plus some chopped walnuts (a tablespoon or so). you could use different fruits, omit the nuts, whatever. i also made a waldorf-type salad with chopped cabbage, some more of that vanilla yogurt, chopped celery, chopped walnuts, and dried fruit bits.

for dinner last night i tried something different: polenta. i made a single serving, which consisted of mixing 1/4 cup of yellow cornmeal with about 3/4 cup cold water; bring that to a boil on the stove, stirring constantly. since i wanted a savory meal, i added some jane’s crazy (my favorite salt mix), paprika, and italian blend. after cooking for a few minutes, i spooned it into a bowl, topped with olive oil and grated parmesan cheese, and – voila! pretty good. oh! i also sauteed some spinach in some balsamic vinaigrette and put that in the bowl before spooning in the polenta. mighty tasty. it was suggested to have polenta for breakfast, topped with ricotta cheese and maple syrup – but i don’t think i like ricotta cheese by itself. the maple part sounds good, though. :)

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