another week gone by

well, not much to report, really. i’m still plugging along. i did meet a wonderful woman on spark, and she and i have been corresponding, encouraging each other and so forth (rm, you should get a xanga journal!). i probably wouldn’t be the best in a big group, but i find i like the one-on-one; although i think i find it hard to call on help when i need it (in any type of friendship situation, i mean). i don’t mind offering all the wisdom i can possibly give, but sometimes i’m ashamed to show weakness. like, if i’m lonely and want to get together with someone, i talk myself out of it because i might be melancholy, and don’t want him/her to have to “put up” with me. why do we feel we always need to be strong, level-headed? so what if we’re not? that doesn’t make us bad people – just human.

i’ve managed to stick pretty well and healthily to a low-cal diet. i’ve never been big on counting calories or measuring portion sizes, but i’ve just been sticking to some things that are working for me. besides, the way spark is set up, it’s fun and easy to record your meals. i’ve also been trying some different workout dvds. i check them outta the library, and then when they’re due or i’m sick of them, i exchange them for something else! so i get a variety and don’t have to spend money on them. nikki, how are you doing on spark?

yesterday the weather was simply gorgeous! i went for two walks, go me! first, after cleaning for my boss’s wife, i took their dog holly for a walk around the block (or, rather, she took me for a walk); then i got together with my mom and we took a stroll around her neighborhood.

after burning off, maybe, five calories between the two of us (hehe… our bodies are stubborn), we went to panera for coffee and a snack. tip: the chai tea latte is really good… but a little too big for my taste. because of my inescapable position, i’ve been thinking a lot about kids and marriage these days, how to reconcile your ideas with the opinion of others, and what to do with your conclusions. mom had a lot of good, if somewhat sobering things to say – and i concluded that, as far as some things are concerned, i’ll have to just rely on god’s grace and forgiveness because i cannot seem to do the “right” thing. =sigh=

i oftentimes find it hard to express my ideas and opinions and certain matters, because i feel i’m not as educated as the majority of people. of course, i could change that… but i just don’t have the time (or don’t feel like making the time) to persue all those things. because i feel limited in my knowledge, i feel i have to cow to the other person; they know more, are significantly more eloquent – they must be right! well, i don’t think this is always the case, and if i feel strongly about something i shouldn’t deny that.

one situation in particular is about couples having children. i am probably wrong about this, but the only place in the bible i can think of that puts this subject in terms of a command is when god says “be fruitful and multiply.” and he doesn’t give a time-frame. yes, he says children are a blessing (in those words and other ways)… but i feel it’s one of those things where we have a choice in the matter (unless he has already specifically laid it on your heart).

for instance – i’ve been in a number of unsavory job situations, and after a while i’m torn between what to do – just ride it out and hope things get better, start looking for another job, quit and see what comes up? there are times when, even though we ask for god’s guidance, there isn’t necessarily a “right” and “wrong.” sometimes you may try something, and it doesn’t work out… and other times you find it’s perfect for you, and feel that’s “where i’m supposed to be.” the bad jobs – even though they were bad, i feel there was something to be learned from them, and the good job i’m in right now… well, it’s just better all-around. does that make any sense? we can choose to marry or not to marry (no right or wrong), choose to have kids or not. sure, if we don’t have kids, we may be missing out on one of god’s blessings, but that doesn’t mean we’re disobeying him. note: it appears that 1 timothy chapter 5 deals with widows, not married women in general.

eh… i’m sick again, and not really feeling like leaving the house… but i need to run some errands. i really want to go to wholefoods and find some health food i’ve been looking for, and maybe get some new sneakers (can anyone reccomend a good brand?). toodle-oo.

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