it's a boy

The Cat’s Outta The Bag

When it rains, it pours… and I’m posting twice in the same day after a 4-month hiatus. I figured now is as good a time as any since the news will be traveling down the good ol’ grapevine pretty soon…

It's a Boy

Although we are super-excited that we’ll be adding a rainbow baby boy to our ranks this year, we haven’t been eager to share the pregnancy news because of last time. The first three months were anxiety-ridden and each day seemed like an eternity, wondering if I would miscarry again. I breathed a sigh of relief when I got past twelve weeks… then thirteen… fourteen.

Because I’m Rh-negative, all my pregnancies are high-risk and I need to see a specialist, in addition to my regular prenatal appointments. I had my first specialist appointment this week and everything looks great, so even though I know something could happen at anytime, it’s a relief to know that – at almost 20 weeks – medical intervention is possible at this stage.

I’m trying to take it one day at a time, enjoy the kicks that are becoming stronger and more consistent, and avoid the scale at all costs. Wish me luck!

 

10-30-15 faux druzy glitter glass necklaces-14

Times Flies When You’re Having Fun

Time flies fast enough without the obvious gaps between blog posts. I can’t believe it was around the holidays last time I made an appearance! I always have ideas of things to share – new recipes I’ve made, what we’re doing with the vegetable garden this year, how we’re creating a Babies’ Garden in the front yard for Shiloh and Astrid, how we’re plugging along with homeschooling and almost done for the year, yadda yadda… but life gets in the way and I’d rather be living than typing.

One of the easiest and most obvious things for me to share are the crafts I’ve been working on. I haven’t been as motivated to keep up with sewing and lots of projects since the miscarriage and it’s been hard to pick it back up with the same enthusiasm. But there are some photos I never got around to sharing, as well as some more recent things I’ve had fun working on. So without further ado, here’s a little look-see:

baby blankies

1. baby blankies to sell at Tula Tinkers

 

Josiah's scarf

2. pocket scarf for Josiah’s birthday

 

owl tote bag

3. owl tote bag to go along with an owl-themed gift for a sweet little girl

 

glitter glass necklaces

4. glitter glass “faux druzy” necklaces to sell at Tula Tinkers

 

rope basket

5. rope basket with tassel

 

doll stroller

6. doll stroller for Addy’s birthday

Project inspiration: 1. Self-Binding Baby Blanket, mitered corners on a blanket 2. Pocket Scarf Tutorial 3. Pleated Tote Tutorial, Lola the Owl 4. Faux Druzy Necklace and Earrings 5. Clothesline Basket Tutorial, embellished tassel image 6. Free DIY Plans to Build a Land-of-Nod-Inspired Wooden Doll Stroller

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Our Family Christmas Card

I didn’t want to do Christmas cards this year. In fact, there are a lot of things I felt like I either dropped or worked on without much enthusiasm. Between miscarrying Shiloh, losing Astrid, and all the aftershocks of these tumultuous events (heaped onto burdens that were already there to begin with), it’s been hard to get into the Christmas spirit.

Well, I hemmed and hawed over my decision and finally decided to make cards after all. I tried not to, I really did! Phil pointed out that we enjoy getting cards, hanging photos on our fridge or displaying them somewhere around the house, so it would be nice if we did something. There are some traditions and forms of social etiquette that I feel bound to observe, even if my heart isn’t in it 100%. Once I got the official go-ahead – Phil is the breadwinner, after all – I decided to order some cards through Shutterfly.

I didn’t get one of the fancier designs I liked – after all, remember, I wasn’t going to do anything! – and opted for a simple flat card that would display a few images of us throughout the year. I almost got a year-in-review card, with a photo for each month, but y’know… money.

It would be nice if we could send cards to every single person we know (and heck, while we’re wishing, pay off our mortgage and develop a dessert that tastes awesome and has zero calories and of course – world peace), but it just isn’t possible. I pared down my list this year, and if I didn’t get to send you one – so sorry! But I’m here to share the photos and the simple message we included.

The Crazy Curry Family

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to our Friends & Family!

This has been a year filled with blessings and joy, heartache and sorrow. The heaviest on our hearts has been the loss of our niece Astrid, stillborn a few weeks shy of her due date. This was a few months following the miscarriage of our own baby, whom we named Shiloh.

These sad times tend to overshadow the Good Stuff, but there has been an abundance of that as well. Phil was able to afford a new truck and has a steady stream of work; Karla has maintained sanity enough to continue homeschooling and keep up with selling her handmade goods; Gwen has gained confidence in dance class, has been in a couple recitals, and has begun reading independently; Josiah helps Daddy whenever he can and spends most of his time building with LEGOs; while Addy keeps us on our toes with her refusal to potty train but puts smiles on our faces with her dancing and snuggles and general Addy-ness.   

We are so thankful for our church family, having become members at a local church. We treasure the quality family time we’ve had throughout the year (Mystic Aquarium, Beavertail park, Deerfield Fair, walks, yard work, popcorn and movies, etc.) and look forward to special occasions, visits from family, camping trips and whatever else we can get.

FAITH makes all things possible,
HOPE makes all things work,
LOVE makes all things beautiful,
May you have all three this Christmas.

cropped-baby-angel2.jpg

Losing Precious Astrid and Keeping the Faith

These days I start to pray, and I don’t know what to say. I feel the need to lean on God more than ever, but at times I don’t know exactly what I’m putting my faith in.  He promises to take care of us, that we don’t need to worry about anything, that He won’t give us more than we can bear, that in all things He works for the good of those who love Him.

Well, let me be honest – right now, I do worry and I don’t feel very taken care of and my heart is breaking under the burden of grief and it doesn’t seem like things are working out for “good.”

But I suppose that’s what faith is all about. Who are we to question the Maker of heaven and earth?  His ways are not our ways; we don’t always understand how He works.  It’s so easy to doubt and question when we just don’t get it.

Last week, my twin brother and sister-in-law, Jenn, lost their sweet baby Astrid, born into Heaven, just a few weeks away from her due date. Labor and delivery took a few days, and throughout the whole time I was praying praying praying, thinking that if I just believed and had violent faith, it would all be fixed.  God can do miracles; I just needed to have faith – God can do anything!  He would come through.  Astrid was sleeping – He would wake her up and she would come out wiggling and crying and into the arms of parents who have wanted her for so long.

She didn’t wake up.

When I heard the news, I cried out, “no, no, no, this wasn’t supposed to happen!”  God was supposed to take care of everything and make it all better.  How could He allow this to happen, to let this sadness rain down upon us?  I felt like He had answered a prayer for a baby when she was conceived, then took it away before it was even her time to be born.

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Dan, Jenn, & Astrid

I was crushed when we lost Shiloh, and it has taken me time to move on. I will never forget the loss, always feel like someone is missing from our family, but it has gotten better. This sudden tragedy has rekindled and magnified that grief – the lost future, things that will never be, cousins who will never be together on earth. Oh, I just want to hold that sweet baby and watch her grow up! The loss of Astrid has touched more people than I can imagine. One of the things I kept praying over and over while waiting for Astrid to be born was that I didn’t want Dan and Jenn to feel such pain and sadness – “don’t let them go through this pain, Lord, please please please.”  But His ways are not our ways.  Faith.

I wish I could make it all better. But apart from sharing in this burden, it’s not up to me to make it go away and deny the work that God is doing and the glory that will come from it all.  Dan and Jenn have exemplified such strong faith throughout all of this; their story is a testimony to myself and others.

Recently, they wrote Astrid’s beautiful story to share with others.  Please take a moment to read about the short, precious life of Astrid Katherine Sorensen, who has already touched so many people.

candles

Waves of Light for October 15th

You know how there are different colors assigned for different areas of awareness?  The one that immediately comes to mind is the pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness.  And I know about grey or silver for various brain diseases because a college friend of Phil’s died a number of years ago and we wore bracelets.  Well, apparently there’s a long list of colored ribbons and what they mean.

infant loss awareness ribbonI recently discovered another one.  Shortly after losing Shiloh, I was scouring the web for blog posts and articles, trying to deal with my grief.  To my dismay, I learned that October 15th – my birthday – is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

While it obviously hurts to think about what is lost, to focus on it, remember, think ahead to what is missing and what will never be, it is also important to me to honor Shiloh.  And to remember all those other women and families who have been touched by this particular kind of grief.

From the October15th website:

“Everyone is invited to light a candle on October 15th at 7pm in all time zones, all over the world.  If everyone lights a candle… and keeps it burning for at least an hour, there will be a continuous wave of light over the entire world…”

Remember the Babies

credit: carlymarieprojectheal.com

*Edited to add: Here are some additional ways from the October15th website to help and spread awareness during the month of October.

Another discovery which touched my heart is the Carly Marie Project Heal website.  Her art – like the one above – speaks to those who have experienced this intense loss.  She organizes a bunch of projects – like Memorial Beach Art with your baby’s name and beautiful images carved into the sand, Capture Your Grief where you explore a subject word each day and take meaningful photographs, and the Prayer Flag Project for making a memorial flag for the one you have lost.

prayer flags

credit: carlymarieprojectheal.com

Even though the official project day is over, I really want to make one of these for Shiloh. I love what her website says about the prayer flags:

“The tradition of hanging Prayer Flags dates back thousands of years. It is believed that once the Prayer Flags are hung up, the breeze takes the prayers and carries them all over the world.”

So, whether or not you know someone who has been touched by infant loss – whether it be a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of a baby – please light a candle on October 15th to honor and support those around you. Add your brilliance to the Waves of Light.

*See my Angel Baby Pinterest board for other inspiring links, quotes, songs, etc.