Entrepreneurial Beginnings

my siblings and i were entrepeneurs at a young age. i don’t know what made us think there were riches to be had among our own ranks, but that didn’t stop us from focusing our money-making endeavors within our close-knit circle.

not only did we play marbles voraciously on the floral oriental rug-covered parqet floor in the entryway, favoring the large, shiny spheres (as opposed to the smaller, cat’s-eye specimens); we also rallied on the royal blue rug under the dining room table and traded Easter candy, approaching the bartering of items with a solemnity almost laughable considering it was mere sugar at stake. Ah, but when you have a chocolate crispy coin paired up against a white chocolate cross, the uniqueness and almost collector’s item-aura of the latter beats out the former, demanding a raise in the offer (say, three chocolate coins with different centers and pictures on the foil wrappers, or a different candy altogether – mini jelly beans being the weakest of offerings).

as early as five years old, ranging all the way to age ten among the five of us, i remember assembling in our basement at the time. the exact layout escapes me now, as most of our childhood was spent in another home, but i vividly recall that each one had his or her own station – much like at a flea market – along one or two couches. there we amassed all manner of items to sell, our favorite wares being our beloved stuffed animals. these went for five or ten cents each, although i’m sure on more than one occasion my older siblings tooks advantage of my young naivete, giving me a solitary dull penny for a delightul furry creature what was worth at least a nickel. i always felt sad after such an exchange, knowing i’d hurt the feelings of my inanimate friends, and purposed to retrieve them on the next round. if we were so unlucky as to have empty pockets on sale day, or thought perhaps better judgement would rear its ugly head and we would later regret a purchase, we were allowed to adopt an item.

thus ensued a constant trade and circling of our stuffed animals, a theme which would remain popular as we grew older. one day a number of years later, my twin brother and i decided to have a yard sale. the poor, unsuspecting folks who happened upon our measly sign and were able to find our house at the end of a long driveway would be met with a lounge chair (not for sale), on top of which were laid out a number of rather shabby toys. oh, would that i have known what utter embarassment was at the time! one lady who drove up was – in hindsight – rather miffed at our interpretation of a yard sale, but proceeded nonetheless to buy something. success!

one of my most notable financial escapades was “sweet treats,” involving what would eventually become a life-long vice: candy! we rode bikes a lot growing up, and one of our favorite destinations was what we called the corner store. i don’t know if that was the official name of the establishment, and since then it has been home to a number of different venues, but at the time it was a convenience store of sorts. there was a fridge in the back that offered bottled soda (mm, birch beer), and a front counter behind which was displayed all manner of candy. we spent our hard-earned money on bags of said confections (pink canadian mints, fire balls, malted milk balls, jolly ranchers), rolls of mint chocolate hubba bubba gum, and bonkers. upon returning home, i would empty each type of candy into separate bowls or containers, displaying them on a tray table right in the kitchen, near the door leading to the basement – a veritable hub of activity, bound to attract business. i put little signs next to each candy noting the price, and tried to snag every unsuspecting body that walked by. more often than not, i ended up sitting there by myself, methodically sampling the wares.

as we got older, we were allowed to do chores for money, and eventually had to learn that some tasks needed to be done without reimbursement just to keep the household running smoothly. the unfairness of it all! but that’s life, and i like to think some of those earlier lessons instilled a curious, creative, responsible foundation that prompted some of the more legitimate undertakings: focusing on my studies, making jewlery, decorating wedding cakes, and taking my work seriously. although i still enjoy sitting back with a bag of easter candy all to myself – the black and red jelly beans now a favorite.

childhood memories

the arrival of warm, summer evenings evokes a peaceful, familiar feeling. along with the sunny days, balmy breezes, sandal-clad feet and the promise of what is to come, there lie the memories of a little girl and carefree summers long gone.

my father used to own a toyota celica – what a cool car! back in the less-restrictive days of motor vehicle travel, dad would pop the trunk, and drive around with all five of us kids practically hanging out the back. it’s a wonder we never got pulled over by the cops, and this practice continued for years, it seems. on more than one occasion, i fell asleep in the trunk and was locked in when the rest of the family went inside.

in this fashion, we were chauffered to soccer games, church, the occasional ice cream stop at the infamous kay’s. but summer elicits the memory of one destination in particular: oakland beach. we would drive there with 80s music blasting from the speakers, dad painfully yet delightfully squeezing the knee of whomever landed in the front seat in time to the music – “eye of the tiger” being one of the favorites for its jumpy beat.

upon arriving, we would get doughboys and old-fashioned sodas at gus’s. a long-jumping contest ensued, with each of us kids taking turns to see who could jump the farthest in the cool, grainy sand of the deserted beach. despite the fact that we’re a somewhat competitive bunch, i don’t remember who won – perhaps we were more concerned with getting another doughboy or stopping at kay’s on the way home.

to this day, whenever i’m driving around at night with the windows open, my hair blowing in the warm breeze, i turn up the radio and imagine driving around in the celica, getting doughboys and old-fashioned sodas, long-jumping on the beach, with not a care in the world.

* * *

i don’t recall how old i was, but there was a time in my younger days when i thought that anything on the ground was free. that’s right – if it had fallen on the ground, it was fair game, there for anyone to take.

one day, my aunt took one of my brothers and me to the mall. while she tried on clothes, i roamed the store with a brown paper bag clutched in my hand, stopping to retrieve “free” items off the floor. one item in particular held my fancy – one of those see-three jelly change purses. i held it in my hand and played with the liquid glitter floating inside; i dropped it on the floor, hence deeming it proper to claim as my own. i hit the jackpot when i got to the jewelry carousel – all sorts of shiny, sparkly items were lying on the floor in the area surrounding the display.

when we got home, i hid my treasure under a pile of clothes in my room. my sister started calling me a thief; i got scared and began to cry. i didn’t want to go to jail! my aunt got wind of my escapades, and demanded to see the bag; i hesitantly complied.

in the end, somewhat dazed and confused, i was brought back to the store where i returned all the stolen merchandise and meekly apologized. thus my conscience was born, however unwelcome at the time.

materialism

the dentist office where i work gets all manner of magazines – despite the fact that we only have one or two subscriptions. i was reading through the current issue of yankee magazine, and there’s an article about glenn close. apparently, she and quite a few generations of her family grew up on connecticut. some of her comments were interesting. for instance, she mentions how her mother was one of the “least materialistic people i know… our whole culture is based on buying things that nobody needs and being convinced that you cannot live without them. when we did buy something, we bought very high quality so that it would last.”

it’s no secret that people nowadays are extremely materialistic – from shoes and articles of clothing, electronics and other gadgets, to sundry other acquisitions. i know this, yet reading it made me wonder why this is so. we know that having these things doesn’t equal happiness, especially if you’re buying something that won’t last or that, ultimately, you can’t afford.

especially when it comes to buying gifts for people – every culture has some practice or another that revolves around the giving and receiving of gifts; it’s a tradition to show appreciation or congratulations or whatever sentiment appropriate for the occasion. it does seem, however, that we have gotten carried away in this respect. there have been times when i’ve asked my sister-in-law, wife and mother of four boys, what she would like for her family for christmas or some other event. she always says she doesn’t like it when people feel obligated to give; if anything, she would rather the gift of time (be it babysitting, spending time together, even a phone call to show you’re thinking of her), things of the more practical and oftentimes more meaningful nature. think of charity – sometimes it’s easier to write that check than roll up your sleeves and get dirty.

i will admit that some purchases bring a sense of well-being, satisfaction, accomplishment even – maybe the fact that you have the money to spend in the first place, perhaps buying a pair of pants that actually flatters the figure. and when i’m shopping for someone else, even though i may despair over the cost, i enjoy the search for and – hopefully – the ultimate discovery of The Perfect Gift that will brighten her day and bring a smile to her face. if it’s something that she really wants and can use, even better.

shopping at target the other day – god, i love that store! – i noticed all the things i didn’t have the money to buy. not even necessarily important things, but things that could definitely enrich my life to one degree or another. and sometimes i feel bereft inside, knowing i can’t, shouldn’t have those things, even more so i shouldn’t be despairing over that very fact! it seems i spend much of my time and energy not only obsessing over one thing or another, but in turn obsessing over the fact that i’m obsessing. is that crazy, or what?

my sister spends much of her money on clothes and shoes… expensive clothes and shoes at that. she says she demands quality, and i see her point… but she doesn’t seem to be buying them for their longevity. myself, i shop at discount stores because that’s what i can afford; if instead i bought one or two pairs of really nice, pricey items that would last a long time, i would still have to buy replacements considering how much my weight fluxuates. when it comes to these types of items, the thing that bothers me most is not what i’m buying and how much i’m spending, but the fact that i have to keep buying them because they don’t fit.

sometimes i’ll see a really snazzy picture frame, basket or container, pillow for the couch, and i think – that would look great in my house! most of the time i’ll come to the conclusion that i don’t need it, but there’s still that desire for stuff. i see pictures in magazines of homes that are well put-together, and they’re obviously contrived for the photo shoot… but there’s no clutter, no imperfection, no sensed of a lived-in home. i wonder what it would be like to be free from all these things. mostly, i wish i didn’t want things.

but i do. not only do i wish i could buy The Perfect Gift for any and every occasion (it would help if i could buy everything i liked as soon as i saw it, and have a gift stash), but i like putting my home together. i like having furniture and appliances and decorations (although usually i prefer meaningful pieces that have a story behind them) and an assortment of things to choose from. not only do i wish we could afford to finish our home, i wish we could afford all new furniture and window treatments. just the other day i wished i had more cardigan sweaters, because i pretty much only have one (that i stole from my sister), and it doesn’t match everything. the other day i bought a new pair of sandals to replace the ones i just threw away, and i saw a pair at target – they’re a different color/style, why not have two pairs? the list goes on.

what things do you feel you need in your life?  what do you wish you could afford?  how would they enrich your life?

the bright side

the other night i watched “the prize winner of defiance, ohio” with my sister. it was very artistically done, entertaining and funny even when dealing with some harsh subjects. the main character, wife and mother of twelve – count ‘em, twelve! – had such a happy, sweet, accepting, optimistic outlook on life despite her circumstances.

this is based on a true story of a 50s/60s housewife who enters television contests not only for the challenge and fun of it, but in the end to provide for her family. i never realized how huge these contests were back then; one ad campaign after another trying to come up with some slogan or another, and they won all sorts of things like a washer and dryer, freezer, bicycle, galoshes, dancing shoes, a car, even a pony! her husband would drink away all their money; at times you wanted to love him and felt sorry for him, but then he would go off and do something foolish, irresponsible, heartless, and you hated him.

the woman was such an inspiration; she kept her spirits up, remained a loving individual, despite her situation. i was mentally taking notes! i felt so guilty, knowing she had it a million times worse than i do, yet somehow she was a pro at looking on the bright side. there was this one scene… she finally gets to go out one day, one of her daughters is going to drive her 100 miles for a get-together with a group of other contesting friends she had been corresponding with (this, after numerous other attempts, thwarted be her chaotic and demanding home life). they make it out of town, out-of-state, having a fun time along the way… when the car breaks down. the daughter is all upset, especially for her mother, because she has to put up with her “rotten” husband, taking care of the kids, and now this. the mother seems totally unruffled; she says it was meant to be, and now she has time to sit and have a conversation with her daughter – why not cherish the moment?

how many times have things gone wrong, not gone my way, and immediately i get bent out of shape? i should look on the bright side, but i don’t – i need to take it easy, cherish the moment, look for the good things in the seeming bad. that’s especially hard in my marriage. i do think some people have a natural bent, more of a tendency to be one way over another… but certainly you can train your mind to react to situations differently. =sigh= i’m never content with myself… and that in and of itself isn’t looking on the bright side.

on a slightly different note… i was cleaning for my boss’s wife on friday afternoon, and somehow we got to talking about how they met. she said that one of the biggest influences she saw in how well they got along was the simple fact of birth order. birth order? apparently, she was the first in a family of… three siblings?… so she was used to being the boss. her husband is last in a similar size family, and he’s more content with taking the orders, being more subservient. i thought it was interesting, how this type of dynamic could play out in our relationships, especially marriages.

how do you think your birth order affects your marriage, your relationships?

my boss’s wife pointed out that, more often than not, it’s the only children who seem to have the problems in their marriages because they’re used to having things their way, or are used to internalizing everything and don’t have that open communication. she asked about philip and me, and i really didn’t know how to answer. philip is second of two boys… so it’s not like he had to deal with being last in a long line of kids. i don’t think he’s spoiled, but i do think he questions authority and assumes things will go his way (sort of like a first-born or only child, i’m guessing). i’m one of a set of twins, last of five kids, but it’s sort of different from being the fifth one of five kids, you know? i do tend to internalize, but i think that’s from being teased a lot growing up, my tendency towards depression, etc. i really have no idea how this potentially affects our relationship, but it’s an interesting thing to think about. and it’s almost like you have no control over it, to a degree. i guess you just have to realize it’s one more thing neither of you can control; people have different experiences that shape them as individuals. how much do we accept “as is,” and how much can we expect them to change and be willing to compromise?

dinner with dobos

i had my family over for dinner last night; i had been raving about the chinese dinner we had on valentine’s day and wanted to make it for them. the fried rice had issues – i tried brown rice, thinking it would be more authentic… and the only thing it helped it be more of was mushy. it didn’t help that my sister – bringing the asparagus, mind you, thank goodness it doesn’t take long to cook – was late, so the food was just sitting on the stove. =sigh=

it was fun, though. my mom was the first to arrive, and i put her to work helping me cut some chicken and stir some of the items – she was a good sport, a lifesaver! the wontons took forever to wrap because i didn’t have nikki to help me. hehe. and i discovered there was a rip in the bag, so some of the wrappers were dried out – i was kind of upset about that. oh well. i tried a new peanut dipping sauce to go along with them – soooo good! i’m afraid i ate a bunch of the leftover results this afternoon with some tortilla chips.

and now for the other item whose leftovers i par… partook? i made the infamous dobos torte, a recipe from the same book i used to make the dessert on v day. it came out *really* nicely, although the picture on that website is somewhat different from mine. my frosting was darker in color (even though i used one stick less of butter!), and i chopped white chocolate to press into the sides, and propped up the caramel triangles with broken pieces of peanut brittle i happened to have in the cupboard. it didn’t taste quite as well as it looked – but it was still fun to make.

needless to say – i had an evening and another afternoon of utter indulgence. aaarrrgh! i had been doing so well counting calories and picking healthy meals… and while some of my meals are still fine, others are pushing me way past my limit, well over 2,000. then my boss’s wife gave me a plate of valentine candies – i started with one, nibbling it daintily to make it last, and ended up scarfing down a few more over a couple hours. and since i’ve been busy, and tired to boot, i’ve stopped doing my exercise tapes. i need motivation! it was so nice to exercise outside on one of those warm days recently… but now it’s back to frickin’ freezing outside. eh, i have other excuses on my list – and the point is that it’s not getting done.

my favorite breakfast of the moment: 1/3-2/3 c upcountry multigrain pancake & waffle mix, 1/4 eggbeaters/better ‘n’ eggs, enough sugar-free calorie-free caramel flavored syrup to reach desired consistency. after the pancakes are done, top with a mixture of 1 tablespoon peanut butter, 1 tablespoon ff cool whip, and some more of the caramel syrup. ohmigosh, it tastes so good!