Breast Is Still Best

Nursing Josiah

You’ve all heard the “breast is best” slogan, and perhaps it’s high time we as a nation started believing it.  The article When It Comes to Breastfeeding, We Can’t Handle the Truth had me knodding my head in agreement, and got me thinking of my own experience.  Despite having read much of the breastfeeding research out there and understanding its many benefits, I have always felt guilty for pushing “my way” onto other mothers and expectant mothers.  I think the idea of being tolerant has become so enmeshed in our society that we are seen as the enemy when we speak up on these issues.  Similar to telling people they shouldn’t eat sugar and refined foods; but in the case of breastfeeding, it’s a baby who can’t make that decision for him or herself.

Formula companies make money just like any other commercial food company, and it’s in their best interest to make their product look good.  And in a society of convenience like ours, it seems like such a good idea.  Doesn’t it?  This website has excellent information on the ingredients in formula, and how other countries have actually controlled its availability due to its harmful effects.  There may be instances where the giving of formula is medically necessary – and even then I question its necessity (hello breastmilk banks) – but we are doing our children a disservice by allowing it to be so widely available and not informing consumers of its true nature.  But if we aren’t told what’s in the food on our table, why should we expect it to be any different for the food advertised for babies?  

I believe there are instances where some mothers truly cannot – for whatever reason – nurse her child.  But this is the exception, not the rule.  And you can always find a story to defend your position rather than looking at the facts and statistics.  While breastfeeding may have many benefits, it’s not a cure-all. Kids (breastfed or otherwise) that are in daycare or some type of school environment tend to get sicker just by being around other children.  If you’re giving your older baby or toddler fast food or refined foods, or course she’ll have a tendency to get sick.  But as a rule, breastfed babies tend to get sick less often, and when they do get sick, it’s for a much shorter duration.  I can attest to that.  Don’t believe me?  Go to the La Leche Leauge’s website to read all about the benefits of breastfeeding.

I didn’t have an easy time nursing Gwendolyn, my first.  She was only a week early, but weighed just over 5lbs.  I came down with rH disease during my pregnancy with her, and had IUGR to boot, so everyone was concerened about her size.  She cried constantly, always wanted to nurse, and I thought my body couldn’t keep up.  Did I mention how much it hurt?  Here I thought nursing would “come naturally,” and I was in pain for at least the first three months.  I kept saying, No wonder some mothers give up!  My pediatrician wrote “poor growth” on her charts, harped on it with each visit, and I was devastated as a first-time mother – I couldn’t feed my own baby!  She kept talking about supplementing, which I was firmly against.  Despite the fact that my baby was healthy, she remained on the small side, so all I got was insistence that she was too small and I needed to supplement.  Well, I didn’t give in, and Gwendolyn is just fine.  Turns out this is just her genetic pattern – on the small side, in the 5th percentile according to the charts they’ve developed for pediatricians.  Charts, mind you, based on averages for formula-fed babies.   I wonder how many mothers just take their doctor’s say-so because they’re supposed to be the expert.  I did see a couple lactation consultants, and will honestly say they weren’t much help; when my babies were newborns, they didn’t have a good latch so I just had to work at it and give it time.

I went back to work part-time, and pumped so my daughter would have breastmilk.  I never produced much milk (I firmly believe this correlates so breast size!), so I would set my alarm and get up at different times at night. Inconvenient?  Heck yeah!  But I’m so glad I did it.  I ended up nursing her past a year, until one day she shook her head “no” when I went to nurse her.  I thought I would be the one pushing for her to wean – I wasn’t ready!

Nursing for me wasn’t quite like riding a bicycle - the second time around it took a bit to get back into the rhythm.  Now, with Josiah at 19 months, we’re still going strong.    And since a toddler nurses far less frequently than an infant, some people have no idea we continue to breastfeed.  I love nursing him, and will be so sad when he stops.  Some people ask why you can’t get the same intimacy with cuddling as opposed to nursing.  ”Just cuddling” isn’t the same as nursing – besides the nutrition and antibody aspect, it provides an intimacy and comfort that can’t compare. 

I consider myself a private person – somewhat self-conscious and not the most comfortable in my own skin – so I try not to nurse in public if I can help it.  I’m perfectly comfortable nursing in the front seat of my car before I go into a store, and tend to be as discreet as possible.  Though I’m proud of breastfeeding, I’m not ready for the scrutiny and criticism, especially when breasts are seen mainly as sexual objects in our society.  Truth be told, I get scared off by stories of patrons told to leave a restaurant because they offended someone by breastfeeding their baby (nevermind the scantily-clad gals the next table over), people who approach nursing mothers and give them an earful.  You don’t have to be a tree-hugging, crunchy-granola mama who is comfortable baring her breasts in front of everyone to enjoy breastfeeding.  I love the bond it has afforded, treasure the calories it helps me burn, and feel wonderful knowing I’m doing one of the best things for my children by giving them the healthiest start in life.

Early Potty Training

Infant potty training, potty whispering, elimination communication – call it what you will.  There are many names for this practice which seems to be a growing trend… and yet… this is the way things were done before the convenience of disposable diapers. 

I cloth diapered my first baby on and off, and have done so exclusively with my second since he was a few months old, so I’m familiar with many of the more natural methods surrounding all things potty-related.  I became especially interested in elimination communication (EC) when I discovered that one of my cousins was practicing this with her baby.  When they came to visit, her baby was maybe six or seven months old, and her diaper was already staying dry for a large portion of the day.  Of course, this sounded wonderful to me!  Using cloth diapers provides an extra parental incentive for wanting to catch those nasty diapers before they occur.  But wait till you read about the many other benefits of EC.

I decided to start Josiah on the potty around the same time I started him on cloth diapers, and it just so happened to be when it started getting warmer so I was able to keep him diaper-free at times.  I didn’t stress myself out with rigid schedules, just put him on the potty at specific times - before and after nursing or meals, before and after nap- and bedtimes, before going out and upon returning home.  He never really gave me any specific signals that he was going potty or about to go potty in his diaper, so that provided an extra challenge.  If Gwen or I used the potty, I would put him on as well.  In fact, it was the start of Josiah’s potty-training that motivated Gwendolyn to get out of her diapers once and for all.  If Josiah could use the potty, so could she!  A definite win-win in my book.

In the beginning, I employed a cueing sound when putting Josiah on the potty, which not only provides a verbal correlation to what he was doing or was supposed to be doing on the potty, but also makes it more fun when they get older.  Potty songs are da bomb for an older baby as well.  High praise was given when successful – much clapping and rejoicing (and perhaps some dancing) ensued.  These all help to affirm the correct responses.  I practice simple baby signing with both kiddos, and now that Josiah’s spoken vocabulary is expanding, we now communicate in this way rather than cueing (although we often revert to it for the sole purpose of silliness – c’mon, just try not to smile when making pooping noises).

I wish I had started earlier with EC, and if we have another I will attempt to start from birth.  The idea of going diaper-free is exciting – imagine not having to buy all those diapering supplies and do all that laundry??  Recently Josiah got a yeast infection, and one of the ways of treating it was just letting him air out, go without a diaper for as much as possible.  It got me thinking – why not let him stay that way all the time, at least while we’re at home?  Once again, this has been more easily accomplished since the weather has gotten nicer, especially when the kiddos are outside a lot. 

I was putting pants on him without a diaper, and was thrilled to realize all of his poops were going into the potty!  I decided to look for some baby undies online, since it’s hard to find small sizes in stores, and found a comprehensive listing of websites that offer undies and training pants specifically for EC- families - but man, are they expensive!  I finally went to Diaper Swappers, one of my old standbys, and found a listing for a whole bunch of 18-month undies.  I got so excited over tiny toddler undies!  Now, during the day I keep Josiah in his big-boy undies, and use his cloth diapers for going out and bedtime.  The next step will be trying to forego diapers at naptime – wish me luck! 

Just like walking, talking, and other things your baby learns over time, it takes patience, guidance, and consistency.  And don’t get discouraged when you’re not “successful” overnight!  This is one of the biggest things I see when people attempt sign language with their babies – they may keep at it for a couple weeks, but then they give up because they’re not getting a response.  Even if you don’t get an immediate reaction, it doesn’t mean you’re not making progress!  Those little brains are making connections.  Do you stop speaking to your baby because he or she can’t speak by 3 months?  Of course not – you realize that some things take time to develop, and your baby often understands a lot more before he or she can effectively communicate.   

There isn’t any one way to practice EC and you see variety all across the board - from those whose babies are completely diaper-free to those part-timers who perhaps utilize disposables but put their babies on the potty.  Though it may be best to start from birth and employ specific methods, it’s never too late to start!  Here are some excellent tips for those starting with an older baby.

EDIT: I found a copy of Diaper Free Baby at a consignment shop and snatched it up.  It makes for an excellent, informative read.  It also lists some great resources for finding cloth diapers, small trainers, potties, and other EC gear.  Many cloth diapering and online retailers of baby items have jumped on the CD and EC bandwagon, so some of these items aren’t hard to come by if you go looking around.  Here are some they cite, in addition to others that I’ve come across and those listed in my cloth diapering post:
DiaperWare
The EC Store
Gap – small undies
Hanes - toddler undies

Simplicity Parenting Book Club – Chapter 5

From birth, we’re told to put our children on a schedule – or at least be aware of patterns throughout the day.  There are so many thoughts on what type of schedule is the best.  Feeding schedules, sleep schedules, activity schedules.  Just the scheduling is exhausting, nevermind the activities themselves!  I’m thinking perhaps unscheduling may be the way to go.     

My kiddos are only 3 and 1, but I can’t believe how many people assume they’re already in some sort of program – or soon will be.  It’s expected that our children will just be put somewhere, rather than remain with their parents.  And for kids that young, I bet any “classes” they take equate to playtime at home.  I understand there are different situations, some parents may not have much of a choice, but I always feel bad when I see daycare signs that advertise admitting children as young as 6 weeks (or less).  I firmly believe babies and young children need to be around their parents; they may survive just fine around other people, but I don’t believe they will learn and thrive and grow to the same extent.       

I was so disappointed that I had to return the library copy of Simplicity Parenting since there was a hold on it, but I was able to read this chapter.  I agree with what some of the other mamas have said, feeling like it gives us “permission” to say enough to the busy-ness, even though we still often feel like we need to be doing more!  Especially if it’s “educational,” right?  “Activity without downtime is ultimately unsustainable; excess ‘enrichment’ is not soaking in.”  At young ages, kids just need to be kids and explore their worlds.     

I bring my kiddos to storytime at the library every week, since we’re already there to get books/movies.  There’s a playground right next door, which means even more interaction for them.  We go to church every Sunday; the littlest one is in the nursery, and the older one has Sunday School.  Even just running errands and getting outside, we interact with lots of people and get to enjoy many activities (especially when the weather is nice).  I like that my children interact with people of all ages, since only being with their peer group creates an unrealistic environment.   

Playdates are a good idea in theory, I suppose, but I’m not too crazy about them. Putting a bunch of kids together with a bunch of toys just equals a headache; you spend the whole time teaching them how to share and get along!  It’s hard enough at your own home, nevermind trying to adapt to someone else’s rules.  Then try to carry on a conversation at the same time!  It’s exhausting for me, really.  I do, however, enjoy getting together one-on-one with friends and their children for specific activities from time to time.   

As your kids get older, I suppose trying to find the balance between activity and calm becomes more of a challenge.  Right now, we have specific days when we do routine things (church, grocery store, library), and since I consider running errands “activities” for my kiddos, I try to limit how much I go out the rest of the week.  We’re homebodies, but sometimes I feel the need to get out of the house or I’ll go crazy.  We may go to the zoo or the beach when the weather is nice (which means a longer day), or head to the farmers’ market on the weekend.  I notice that we usually need to “recover” from a long day, and the kiddos get really tired and fussy if I don’t make a point to slow down.  ”Rest nurtures creativity, which nurtures activity.  Activity nurtures rest, which sustains creativity.”  

I, too, was somewhat disturbed reading the statistics on children involved in organized sports at younger and younger ages these days.  Sure, it’s cute – but seriously?  I played soccer for a number of years when I was younger, but even as I got older the focus was mainly about having fun and creating a sense of teamwork rather than being the best and winning the game.   

One of the points made in this chapter, is that no matter how much your children may enjoy something or want to do it, it doesn’t mean it’s in his or her best interest to overschedule.  I keep thinking how much my 3-year-old seems to enjoy structured social activities (Sunday School, storytime, kids’ Bible class at her grandmother’s church), but that doesn’t mean that more equals is better.   I hope to homeschool my children, and sometimes I think, Why not put her in public school?  She may enjoy it, and I won’t have to teach her.  But then I remind myself of what’s better for her in the long run.     

I loved the section on the importance of boredom, but I don’t think my kids are old enough to understand that concept yet (and come to think of it, I don’t think we ever say the word).  There’s always something for them to do, and my daughter especially is very creative, good at playing by herself.  “You can’t direct [deep play]; you can only leave time for it and trust that leisure and activity will nurture your child’s creativity.”  I think sometimes when they’re tired or not feeling well, they don’t necessarily want to play with the things they have, but that’s another matter.

Some of our best days are spent outside in the front yard – the kids find cool rocks, dig holes in the dirt, draw with sidewalk chalk, and run after the guinea hens that come through our yard.  We also have a blast when we go peach-picking, spend a day swimming at the beach, or pick our favorite animal at the zoo… but I think that’s because we make these once-in-a-while activities rather than every day occurrences.     

Read my thoughts on Chapter 1
Read my thoughts on Chapter 2
Read my thoughts on Chapter 3
Read my thoughts on Chapter 4

Downtime

Our computer crashed about two weeks ago and I was without Internet the whole time.  *gasp!*  Yes, it’s true – and I survived!  I did feel somewhat disconnected since I rely mostly on e-mail for communication, and there are some blogs I frequent, but for the most part it was a refreshing change.

In fact, I find it refreshing whenever I go without some of the technologies we take for granted and rely so heavily upon these days.  Aside from the initial withdrawal, it’s so much more relaxing when I’m not getting sucked into the mindless vortex that eats away at my time and energy, stealing my focus away from more important matters.

Trying to keep a balance between activity and rest, going out and staying in, can be difficult – especially when the weather is nice and you feel the need to get outdoors, just go somewhere.  We have our usual errands – grocery shopping and library run – and I often incorporate a stop at the playground and a picnic, if I’ve been able to plan ahead and pack supplies.  The kiddos and I have been going to the zoo every chance we get, making good use of our family membership.  We met up with Auntie Nikki and Elijah last time, which was a nice treat.  Nikki should be having her baby this month, and I’m always thinking this may be the last time I see her before she has her baby!  I can’t wait to meet him/her (she has a feeling it’s a girl this time around, and I’m hoping she’ll get to use all of Gwen’s baby clothes).   

I was so disappointed that I had to return Simplicity Parenting.  I had renewed it, but there was a request on it so I couldn’t renew it a second time.  If I can find my notes on the last chapter I read I may be able to drum up some thoughts when the book club discusses the fifth chapter.

Since I had returned the book and didn’t have another waiting to be read, I was excited when I found Dead Reckoning, the latest novel in the Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series by Charlaine Harris.  My brother had initially given me the first two or three books in the series when they came out, and I’ve kept up with each release.  I like the earlier books in the series best, although there are some interesting twists and turns the more you read.  I was intrigued when I heard about True Blood, the TV show based on the series, but after watching two of the seasons on DVD I was disappointed at the liberties they’ve taken with the storyline (or maybe it’s been too long since I read them).  Without the computer to occupy my time, I finished the book in a few days.

We used to frequent the local Christian bookstore growing up, and my mom always let me pick out one or two books, knowing how much I loved to read.  One of my all-time favorite series is Mark of the Lion, by Francine Rivers.  I’ve read it a number of times already, but started reading the first book again and always enjoy the read.  My sister-in-law has been reading the Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling, raving how much better they are than the films, so I’m thinking I may cave and start reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – though I have my reservations about it feeling like a children’s story. 

The garden is growing by leaps and bounds!  I’ve started harvesting spinach and salad greens, and having fresh fixins with dinner makes me feel so warm and fuzzy and healthy inside!  I can’t wait till the other veggies are ripe and ready. 

It has been warm and humid lately, and one day in desperation I broke out a big tupperware bin and filled it with water for the kiddos.  It was  a huge hit!  We have a kiddy pool, but I didn’t feel like blowing it up just then. 

One of my favorite things to do on a hot day when I was a kid was to run through a sprinkler - but ours broke last year. :(  I asked Phil if we could turn one of his blue tarps into a slip ‘n’ slide, but he said the texture was too rough.  My sister-in-law assures me that all I need to do is add some dish soap to make it slippery, so I may just try it one of these days.  Anything to get the kids out of the house and cool off on a hot day!   

When the kids are especially well-behaved, I like to reward them with some sort of treat – a living room picnic and a movie, dessert, staying up a bit later than usual to read more stories, whatever.  Well, Summer is the perfect time for just such a treat. 

What is it about the seasons that make you crave their offerings?  In Autumn I long for apple cider, apple crisp, and pumpkin lattes.  In Winter it’s hot chocolate and all manner of warm comfort foods.  In Summer I want smoothies, salad, fresh fruit, Del’s, and ice cream.  Since we’re avoiding refined foods this is definitely an occasional treat; a pity that the ice cream shop is just down the road. *sigh*

Memorial Day saw me and the kiddos visiting my grandparents’ grave with my parents.  My mom - big on genealogy – plants flowers at many of the family graves at cemeteries throughout the state.  After we planted flowers, we wandered through the cemetery, looking at the beautiful inscriptions and admiring the decorations.  It was somewhat surreal, watching Gwendolyn and Josiah tread happily over the ground that holds so many loved ones that have passed away. 

We have once again been reacquainted with Internet, and I’m trying to recover all my “favorites” files that were lost – all those links for recipes, articles, stores, ideas, arrrrgh!  I can’t believe June is upon us already, Father’s Day and 4th of July fast approaching.

Do you have any Summer plans?  How do you make the most of your downtime?  

Simplicity Parenting Book Club – Chapter 4

I’ll admit… though I was psyched to start this book and devoured the first couple chapters with gusto, I’ve been waning in my enthusiasm.  This is no reflection on the book itself – in fact, when I do pick it up to read a few more paragraphs I wish I had more time to devote to finishing it and can’t wait to implement the many wonderful suggestions.  As I mentioned in chapter three’s discussion, sometimes I’m just stressed out trying to take care of everything.

This month I had my annual doctor’s apointment and was almost disappointed at my midwife’s nonchalance towards my perceived disorder (I should be happy, right?).  I managed to start exercising as she suggested, but there’s no way I’m gonna get around to it every day.  

Josiah had an infection that left me feeling like a bad mommy, as I do most days.  I’m thrilled that it managed to clear itself up with some simple home remedies, but whenever my days consist mainly of diaper changes and trips to the potty and cleaning up pee and poop, my role as a mother can somehow seem pointless and almost degrading.

I like to help people, and have often felt that I have a servant’s attitude… but sometimes it feels like I have nothing left to give.  When something is expected and demanded of me and my reserves are absolutely replete, I end up feeling resentul.           

I have so many fail checks on my to-do list.   Sometimes, after taking care of the meals and all the [never-ending] housework, I just don’t have much motivation for reading how I should really be doing things.  It seems I’m always trying to improve; the more I try, the more frustrated I become at how much I screw up and how far I have yet to go.

That being said, I did get something out of the next chapter in Simplicity Parenting.  Chapter four is all about rhythm – predicting patterns in the day and establishing routines that can bring security to children.  “As little ones come to understand with regularity that ‘this is what we do,’ they feel solid earth under their feet, a platform for growth.”

I often struggle with the idea of rhythm – or, perhaps, the concept of routine.  “What is so overwhelming about the notion of rhythm is that we assume we need to organize all of the moving parts of our lives into a full-scale symphony.”  Even after reading this chapter, I still feel there’s more I should be doing!  Especially since looking ahead to homeschooling my children, I want to work in something “educational.”  I come up with these grand ideas, then get discouraged when they don’t “work.” 

There are things to which we adhere because we’ve become accustomed to them, we know they work for us – rituals such as meals around the table; going to the grocery store or library on certain days; lunchtime followed by naps; a bedtime routine consisting of going to the potty, teeth-brushing, and a few stories before tuck-me-in time.  We don’t have to try too hard to maintain these routines because they have been built in through habit, and yet, these are the kinds of predictable events that can lend security and simplicity to your child.

I enjoyed some of the suggestions for establishing rhythm, even simple ones like brushing your teeth and washing your hands, and can definitely vouch for the fact that some of these mundane tasks are more fun for little kids when you make up a tune to go with it.  One of the things I noticed I already do, but would like to do more consistently, is to give Gwendolyn (and Josiah, as he gets older) a little preview of the day so she knows what to expect.  Sometimes I do this at bedtime, telling her what we will do the next day (“Tomorrow is Thursday and Daddy will be bringing you to Meme’s”), other times it’s in the morning, letting her know my plans for the day (“It’s Monday, and where do we go on Mondays?  To the grocery store!”).  Throughout the day I try to give her a head’s up so she’ll know when it’s almost time to stop playing and get ready, be it for an errand or a chore or bedtime.  I don’t know if this is always a good thing, however – if she doesn’t like something on the list, or we don’t get around to something I had intended, she might get upset.  I also ask for her input, but again, I struggle with whether or not I should give a 3-year-old too many choices.   

Getting dressed has become kind of dramatic lately, as Gwen often wants to wear the same thing every day, and might even get upset if what she wants is in the wash.  I’ve been trying to simplify her morning routine by choosing an outfit the night before and putting it on a chair in her room (especially if we need to leave the house early); she usually sees me doing it, and I’ll often point out it’s there.  It doesn’t always work, but more often than not she comes out of her room wearing what I’ve laid out

One of the biggest, most practical suggestions I feel can be applied to almost any family is establishing a dinnertime routine.  A few nights ago, Phil was on one of his 24-hour shifts at work, so it was just me and the kiddos.  My parents took us out to eat, and my dad ended up asking me what I appreciated growing up.  There are things I appreciate more, now that I have my own children, but there have been things I’ve always appreciated, to one extent or another.  We almost always sat down to eat as a family, discussing our day.  Other things made it more special - when my mom let me use the pretty blue plates and candleholders to set the table, when a certain meal was made, when we played games or watched a movie afterwards.  These things stay with you.         

Being the homebodies that we are, we tend to eat most meals at home.  But I think dinnertime is one of the most important family meals, as it concludes the day.  Another thing to work on: letting the kiddos help me prepare the meal!  I often balk at this, because I know they will make a mess and I could do it ten times faster, yadda yadda.  But Gwen is always so enthusiastic and asks if she can help; when she does, she’s usually more excited to eat the meal.  I’ll let her help me give the veggies a “bath,” and she often sets the table, helping to clear it as well.     

I’ve been working on simplifying our eating habits, and love the idea of taking this further by creating a meal plan.  Since I have been soaking some of my grains, planning ahead can really come in handy.  I wrote out a simple list of dinner ideas for the whole week, based on things we eat most of the time anyway.  If we have leftovers from the previous night, I may switch around lunch and dinner or just skip that meal, and so far it has made things easier. 

We pray before our meals, and Gwen’s favorite prayer is a song passed down by her Great Gramp – if we don’t sing it, she will often wait to eat until she has sung it herself.  Another suggestion (was it from the last chapter?) which I have been implementing is what Rachel calls the Sweet Spot in her dinnertime routine (which I love) - reflecting on your favorite part, or “greatest joy” of the day.  We end up reviewing the day, picking our favorite parts, telling why we liked it.  I’ve also put a candle on the table; lighting it may seem like such a simple thing, but it seems to be a magical component for the kids.  And why should I be surprised?  Growing up, I loved setting the table and opted to dim the lights and light as many candles as I could find.  Candle light is magical!

And of course, what kid doesn’t like bedtime stories?  Depending on the time, Gwen and Josiah each pick out a few stories.  Josiah almost always picks the Karen Katz set from Auntie Nikki, lugging the box off the shelf and eliciting a grin from his mama.  Gwen usually picks a few favorites from her current library stash, which we’ll read until they’re returned.  I’m always surprised how easy it [almost always] is to put the kids to bed after we’ve gone through the bedtime prerequisites.  When the last book is read, and I say “Come on Josiah, let’s put Gwendolyn to bed” they hop off the couch and off we go. 

I wish everything were that easy!

Read my thoughts on Chapter 1
Read my thoughts on Chapter 2
Read my thoughts on Chapter 3