Simplicity Parenting Book Club – Chapter 4

I’ll admit… though I was psyched to start this book and devoured the first couple chapters with gusto, I’ve been waning in my enthusiasm.  This is no reflection on the book itself – in fact, when I do pick it up to read a few more paragraphs I wish I had more time to devote to finishing it and can’t wait to implement the many wonderful suggestions.  As I mentioned in chapter three’s discussion, sometimes I’m just stressed out trying to take care of everything.

This month I had my annual doctor’s apointment and was almost disappointed at my midwife’s nonchalance towards my perceived disorder (I should be happy, right?).  I managed to start exercising as she suggested, but there’s no way I’m gonna get around to it every day.  

Josiah had an infection that left me feeling like a bad mommy, as I do most days.  I’m thrilled that it managed to clear itself up with some simple home remedies, but whenever my days consist mainly of diaper changes and trips to the potty and cleaning up pee and poop, my role as a mother can somehow seem pointless and almost degrading.

I like to help people, and have often felt that I have a servant’s attitude… but sometimes it feels like I have nothing left to give.  When something is expected and demanded of me and my reserves are absolutely replete, I end up feeling resentul.           

I have so many fail checks on my to-do list.   Sometimes, after taking care of the meals and all the [never-ending] housework, I just don’t have much motivation for reading how I should really be doing things.  It seems I’m always trying to improve; the more I try, the more frustrated I become at how much I screw up and how far I have yet to go.

That being said, I did get something out of the next chapter in Simplicity Parenting.  Chapter four is all about rhythm – predicting patterns in the day and establishing routines that can bring security to children.  “As little ones come to understand with regularity that ‘this is what we do,’ they feel solid earth under their feet, a platform for growth.”

I often struggle with the idea of rhythm – or, perhaps, the concept of routine.  “What is so overwhelming about the notion of rhythm is that we assume we need to organize all of the moving parts of our lives into a full-scale symphony.”  Even after reading this chapter, I still feel there’s more I should be doing!  Especially since looking ahead to homeschooling my children, I want to work in something “educational.”  I come up with these grand ideas, then get discouraged when they don’t “work.” 

There are things to which we adhere because we’ve become accustomed to them, we know they work for us – rituals such as meals around the table; going to the grocery store or library on certain days; lunchtime followed by naps; a bedtime routine consisting of going to the potty, teeth-brushing, and a few stories before tuck-me-in time.  We don’t have to try too hard to maintain these routines because they have been built in through habit, and yet, these are the kinds of predictable events that can lend security and simplicity to your child.

I enjoyed some of the suggestions for establishing rhythm, even simple ones like brushing your teeth and washing your hands, and can definitely vouch for the fact that some of these mundane tasks are more fun for little kids when you make up a tune to go with it.  One of the things I noticed I already do, but would like to do more consistently, is to give Gwendolyn (and Josiah, as he gets older) a little preview of the day so she knows what to expect.  Sometimes I do this at bedtime, telling her what we will do the next day (“Tomorrow is Thursday and Daddy will be bringing you to Meme’s”), other times it’s in the morning, letting her know my plans for the day (“It’s Monday, and where do we go on Mondays?  To the grocery store!”).  Throughout the day I try to give her a head’s up so she’ll know when it’s almost time to stop playing and get ready, be it for an errand or a chore or bedtime.  I don’t know if this is always a good thing, however – if she doesn’t like something on the list, or we don’t get around to something I had intended, she might get upset.  I also ask for her input, but again, I struggle with whether or not I should give a 3-year-old too many choices.   

Getting dressed has become kind of dramatic lately, as Gwen often wants to wear the same thing every day, and might even get upset if what she wants is in the wash.  I’ve been trying to simplify her morning routine by choosing an outfit the night before and putting it on a chair in her room (especially if we need to leave the house early); she usually sees me doing it, and I’ll often point out it’s there.  It doesn’t always work, but more often than not she comes out of her room wearing what I’ve laid out

One of the biggest, most practical suggestions I feel can be applied to almost any family is establishing a dinnertime routine.  A few nights ago, Phil was on one of his 24-hour shifts at work, so it was just me and the kiddos.  My parents took us out to eat, and my dad ended up asking me what I appreciated growing up.  There are things I appreciate more, now that I have my own children, but there have been things I’ve always appreciated, to one extent or another.  We almost always sat down to eat as a family, discussing our day.  Other things made it more special - when my mom let me use the pretty blue plates and candleholders to set the table, when a certain meal was made, when we played games or watched a movie afterwards.  These things stay with you.         

Being the homebodies that we are, we tend to eat most meals at home.  But I think dinnertime is one of the most important family meals, as it concludes the day.  Another thing to work on: letting the kiddos help me prepare the meal!  I often balk at this, because I know they will make a mess and I could do it ten times faster, yadda yadda.  But Gwen is always so enthusiastic and asks if she can help; when she does, she’s usually more excited to eat the meal.  I’ll let her help me give the veggies a “bath,” and she often sets the table, helping to clear it as well.     

I’ve been working on simplifying our eating habits, and love the idea of taking this further by creating a meal plan.  Since I have been soaking some of my grains, planning ahead can really come in handy.  I wrote out a simple list of dinner ideas for the whole week, based on things we eat most of the time anyway.  If we have leftovers from the previous night, I may switch around lunch and dinner or just skip that meal, and so far it has made things easier. 

We pray before our meals, and Gwen’s favorite prayer is a song passed down by her Great Gramp – if we don’t sing it, she will often wait to eat until she has sung it herself.  Another suggestion (was it from the last chapter?) which I have been implementing is what Rachel calls the Sweet Spot in her dinnertime routine (which I love) - reflecting on your favorite part, or “greatest joy” of the day.  We end up reviewing the day, picking our favorite parts, telling why we liked it.  I’ve also put a candle on the table; lighting it may seem like such a simple thing, but it seems to be a magical component for the kids.  And why should I be surprised?  Growing up, I loved setting the table and opted to dim the lights and light as many candles as I could find.  Candle light is magical!

And of course, what kid doesn’t like bedtime stories?  Depending on the time, Gwen and Josiah each pick out a few stories.  Josiah almost always picks the Karen Katz set from Auntie Nikki, lugging the box off the shelf and eliciting a grin from his mama.  Gwen usually picks a few favorites from her current library stash, which we’ll read until they’re returned.  I’m always surprised how easy it [almost always] is to put the kids to bed after we’ve gone through the bedtime prerequisites.  When the last book is read, and I say “Come on Josiah, let’s put Gwendolyn to bed” they hop off the couch and off we go. 

I wish everything were that easy!

Read my thoughts on Chapter 1
Read my thoughts on Chapter 2
Read my thoughts on Chapter 3

Seriously Good Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

A while back I got a big ol’ box of Quaker Oats at BJ’s.  The box empties quickly since we often have oatmeal for breakfast (topped with blueberries and honey), and I grind the oats into oat flour and use it in cooking and baking.  Crushing the box for the recycle bin, I noticed a recipe on the flap for Vanishing Oatmeal Raisin Cookies.  I tore it off, planning to play around with the ingredients.  I had a really ripe banana that I figured would make a nice addition. 

Sometimes when I make healthier versions of treats they end up tasting… well… healthy.  You want cookies to be a little more on the decadent side of things.  Well, when I tasted the dough straight from the mixer, I knew we had a winner.  And a bite (or two.  or three.) of the moist cookies after they came out of the oven confirmed the fact – this recipe is a keeper.  They were a hit with Phil and the kiddos, too.

Follow the basic recipe linked above, using my ingredients – adding the banana after the eggs (no need to mash it first - just make sure to remove the peel):

1 stick butter, softened + 1/4 c coconut oil
3/4 c Sucanat + 1/4 c Splenda
2 eggs (organic cage free, preferably)
1 t vanilla
1 ripe banana
1 c wheat flour + 1/2 c oat flour
1 t baking soda
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
2 1/2 c oats
1 c raisins

Sorry for the lack of pictures proving their mouth-watering goodness.

Baby Boys Get Yeast Infections?

A few days ago I freaked out when changing Josiah’s diaper.  At first I didn’t think much of the reddened skin - he often wakes up after bedtime with a wet diaper, and after getting changed his skin will calm down.  This time, I noticed the skin was cracked and bleeding a bit, and there was an oozing sore.  An oozing sore on his penis! 

Another Bad Mommy moment in my book.  I have lots of them.  What did I do wrong?  My sister-in-law wasn’t the only mother of boys (count ‘em – six) who told me that caring for baby boys would be so much easier than caring for baby girls.  You don’t have to worry about cleaning all those folds or wiping from front to back – just wipe and you’re done.  HA!   This guy’s penis has given me more trouble…!  

Shortly after he was born, I noticed… something wrong.  I took him to the pediatrician, who calmy assured me that it’s natural for a circumcision to reattach, and that you have to be vigilant about pulling it apart.  No one told me!  Poor little guy had to get cut again.  Luckily, they have a numbing cream for that, and it was more painful for me to watch.

Well, fast-forward to the pediatrician’s office a couple days ago, and I find out he has a yeast infection.  Guess it makes sense – warm, moist environment.  And yet – Gwen never had a yeast infection!  *sigh* 

Josiah has been doing so well pooping on the potty, I must have been letting him go too long between diaper changes.  I don’t know!  Since cloth diapers aren’t as absorbent as disposables, they have to be changed more often.  Well, I felt horrible - I put him on the potty all the time, change his diaper each time, what else am I supposed to do?

His pediatrician was going to give me a prescription for an antibiotic, but I already had some for when Gwen had a skin infection a while back and decided to use that even though - according to the doctor – it wasn’t anti-fungal.  I’m always trying to figure out natural remedies rather than resorting to drugs, and once I knew it was a yeast infection I figured I could handle it.

When we got home, it was naptime.  I cleaned up Josiah, put a bit of the antibiotic on him for good measure, and decided to try expressing a bit of breastmilk onto the area.  I’m still nursing, it’s there, and might as well give breastmilk’s antibacterial properties a try.  I put him down for his nap without a diaper so he would have good air-circulation.  Luckily for me, he woke up dry.  PHEW! 

Each diaper change since, I’ve put some breastmilk and coconut oil on the area, in addition to adding some apple cider vinegar to his bath.  He’s been diaper-free while we’re at home to encourage air-circulation, and it’s so funny how skinny he looks without a diaper.   I’m happy to report that he’s healing quite nicely. 

A few other natural methods I’ve read to help cure yeast infections:
Plain yogurt – both eaten and topically applied (don’t leave it on the skin, or it might have the opposite effect)
Garlic – ingested or applied, although I just can’t see rubbing garlic on my skin, much less my little guy’s private parts!  A couple of my friends swear by GOOT (Garlic Olive Oil Treatment) for their kids’ colds. 
Restricted diet – cut out sugar, grains, yeast, and dairy, which can apparently feed the yeast and make it worse.

FINE, I’ll Exercise

Growing up, I’d say I always had a tendency towards pessimism – though I call it being realistic.  Some may have called me “depressed,” but I was never officially diagnosed.  In junior high, when my mom brought me to our doctor for an eating disorder, I remember the term depression being thrown around, and I also remember my mom saying she wanted me to “beat it naturally.”  Whatever that means. 

A couple months ago I seriously started thinking I might have some form of depression – more specifically, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).  I noticed a pattern to my moods, and out of curiosity (and desperation) I decided to record these feelings.  It reminded me of when I first got married, trying to track my fertility – the readings were all over the place because I have irregular cycles. 

I was so upset.  I just wanted an answer as to why I was feeling this way, wanted to fix it.  Phil lost his job and we had no insurance, so I figured I would wait until my next OB-GYN appointment and hope we had coverage by then so I could talk it over with my doctor.

In the meantime, I decided to look into taking supplements.  I already eat pretty healthily, though I know there are gaps – we rarely eat fish or red meat, for instance.  I’ve always been skeptical about the idea of taking vitamins, and still wonder if I’m not just creating expensive pee.  My grocery store had some buy one/get one free promotions, and I decided to get a vitamin B-complex and some cod liver oil.  I’ve been taking them pretty consistently, although I do forget every now and then.  Even sitting right in front of me at the kitchen table, I forget.

I often wonder how much of the depressive moods I feel is more a result of situational depression – I feel lonely because of Phil’s work schedule, the kids can be draining, keeping up with the housework can be tiring, yadda yadda.  Even being stuck inside on a rainy day can get to me.  Since the weather has been nicer, we’ve been getting outside, going to the playground, going to the zoo, having picnics in the yard, and I seriously think the sunshine and fresh air has its own medicinal qualities.  Then I start ramping up towards my period, and my personality shifts…

Well, today was my annual appointment with my midwife.  She was happy with my weight loss, told me how beautiful my children are and what a job I must be doing with them.  The kiddos were very curious about the stirrups, and Gwen laughed when I told her what they were for – until she saw them in action.  Hehe.  I told her about my concerns involving PMDD, and while I didn’t get into as much detail as I would have liked, she assured me that I’m normal and don’t need a label for my symptoms - I just happen to have two kids who can be very aggravating at times, and things seems worse when I’m dealing with hormones on top of that.  I have a very small window where I feel “normal,” positive – about one and a half to two weeks, until I ovulate – that’s when the hormones kick in, I start spotting, and my Other Self takes over.

She asked if I exercise.  While I don’t specifically aim to exercise, I feel I get quite a bit – playing with the kids, cleaning the house, going up and down stairs, etc.  She shakes her head, no – I need forty-five minutes a day, alone, to exercise (and cleaning the house doesn’t count).  Arrrrgh.  I do not want to add an exercise regime to my day!  While I was somewhat encouraged by her feeling that I’m not a horrible monster, I still thought there would be a better explanation for what I’m going through.  And exercise… that’s not something I wanted to hear. 

On the way home, it occurred to me – even if I did have PMDD or depression or whatever, I don’t want to go on medication, so why not try exercise?  If my mood improves and I lose some more weight, what’s to complain about?  After I put the kids down for their naps, I got out one of my good ol’ Leslie Sansone DVDs – Walk Away the Pounds Express: Advanced Walk 3 Miles - and managed to finish despite interruptions from the non-napping Gwendolyn.  I got a little out-of-breath, but it wasn’t very challenging, so I may stick with the 4 mile routine or her walk and jog.

We’ll see how this goes.

Simplicity Parenting Book Club – Chapter 3

I’m behind.  Everyone else has started discussing chapter three, and this has probably been the meatiest, most inspiring section of the book.  The weather has been so nice - we’ve been getting outside, going to the playground, taking advantage of our membership at the zoo.  As soon as I step inside, the housework yells my name and criticizes me for putting it off. *sigh*  I wonder how many times I can renew this book.     

Perspective plays a huge role in how we handle things.  These days it seems I’m either really excited and passionate about the choices I’ve made and continue to make for my family, or I’m feeling totally stressed and exhausted at the mere thought of taking care of everything and everyone.  Trying to find affordable organic foods without processed, GM, or soy ingredients can prove difficult, and striving to make healthy foods from scratch and live out these choices can often seem daunting and time-consuming.    

The process of simplifying – although overwhelming at first when faced with how much Stuff we really have – leads to a more peaceful environment.  The concept of less is more was the foundation of this chapter.  With less, there is more room for creativity, space, interest, imagination, and time.  The author gave specific ideas for how to tackle different areas and posessions within the home, whittling them down and optimizing the remains. 

I have consigned and donated many of the kids’ toys, and the house feels so much lighter, airier, with fewer things to fight over, trip on, and clean up.  I feel more clear on my direction for their upbringing – what kinds of toys they play with, book they read, activities they enjoy, even foods they eat.             

I resonated with some of the other mamas reading this book – I had never considered weeding through our stack of children’s books.  The adult books in our home – cookbooks, novels, other resources – are already at a minimum since I have only kept a few favorites and rely on the library when I’m looking for something new.  And let’s face it – I don’t exactly have much time to read these days!  But the kiddos’ stash… I love their books!  I love that they get excited about books!  I finally went through and removed those that were ripped or chewed or otherwise damaged, a few titles with movie characters or hand-me-downs that don’t get much love.  I have library books in a separate basket and board books on their own shelf so the little one has easy access, but I still fret about the amount we still have.  Deborah made me feel a tad better in her comment addressing [potential] homeschoolers and their home library.

The process of weeding out is a never-ending one.  I have done a few big purges already, and am trying not only to remain consistent with simple choices, but to get rid of excess as I come across it.  I have a couple  bags that are perpetually being filled with things to give away or donate – toys that the kids don’t use, outgrown clothes, kitchen items and knick-knacks.   

Whenever I’m out with my kids – at a store, at the park, on the playground, even at someone else’s home – I’m conscious of potential criticism.  I let my kids have their freedom; I don’t hover and nag and direct.  When they fall or get hurt, I don’t necessarily rush over, but wait to see their reaction.    At home, I often leave them to play by themselves, rarely playing with them, other than to read a story or assist here and there.  I’ve often feel I should be doing more (there’s that word again), entertaining them or providing an activity of some sort, but reading how children’s imagination and creativity can flourish on its own was a huge affirmation for me.  And I’ve noticed that my kids seem to fight less and become more creative if left to their own resources.  Since I plan… er, rather, hope to unschool, I believe this is an important lesson to learn.

Trying to get the extended family on board with some of these choices – especially where food, toys, and books are concerned – has been difficult.  I will stand up for my choices, let my wishes be made known, but I won’t bully them into submission and can’t see threatening them with consequences for not adhering to our wishes.  I worry about my decision to homeschool, even just being a stay-at-home-mom.  Even now, whenever I’m out with my children, I’m bombarded with talk of daycare and preschool; people are always assuming my 3-year-old is in school or talk to her like she’ll be riding the bus soon.  I never considered myself a crunchy granola mom, but the more I learn, the more benefits I see to making natural choices, getting back to basics.  Sadly, this seems to be unpopular in today’s artificial, shiny, sugar-laden modern society.     

Read my thoughts on Chapter 1
Read my thoughts on Chapter 2