9 Months: Stick a fork in me, I’m done

Technically, I’m 36 weeks minus one day… but who’s counting? Oh, wait… I am! I can’t believe I’m 9 months pregnant, with [at least] one more month to go. Why do They say pregnancy is nine months? Arrrrgh! I should be done by now. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not, because the house isn’t ready.

My belly-button hasn’t popped, and perhaps it won’t, but you can see by these pictures that I should be done SOON!

    

I haven’t written an update in a little while, because I’ve been busy running around to doctors’ apts. For those of you who don’t frequent Facebook, here’s the most recent Concern:

6:22pm Tuesday, Oct 16 – Another Baby [Bump] In the Road
I had my weekly apt at Women & Infants’ for the ultrasound/measurements. The doctor came in after the tech was done, and said the numbers looked fine. Phew! She doesn’t have anemia.

He was then kind enough to tell me that, based on the measurements, she weighs in at 4lbs 2oz… and I couldn’t help but notice that she weighed exactly the same last week, and mentioned in passing that it seemed odd and did it matter? He said that I wasn’t told how big she was last week, and I informed him that, yes, I asked the technician how far along I was measuring (even last week, she was measuring small) and she said the baby weighs 4lbs 2oz, at least a week off my due date. He went out of the room and got some other records, and said they shouldn’t have told me last week, I guess it’s not the week to week number that you look at, but every other week? *shrugs* Probably just trying to make me feel better. But he asked if I had had any non-stress tests (nope), and said – well, you’re gonna have ‘em now! One today, later in the week, and twice a week from now on… in addition to my weekly ultrasounds and bi-weekly (soon to be weekly) prenatal apts.

I asked him IS THIS BAD that she’s measuring small – why do they always skirt around my concern? He admitted that it’s not great, and that I probably have an “inefficient placenta.” What causes this? Well… smoking, high blood pressure… nothing that I do/have… so it’s some unknown reason. Of course – nothing I can fix. So… no matter that I’ve already gained 40+ pounds, it seems I can’t adequately feed my baby with my stupid placenta. Normally, that would seem like a funny sentence to me… but boy am I pissed with the way my body has behaved my WHOLE FRICKIN’ LIFE!!! As I’m leaving, he keeps joking around, “Tell that baby to grow!” Thanks…

Mom and I thought maybe there’s a silver lining to this whole placenta thing – perhaps it’s inefficiency is preventing the harmful antibodies in my blood from passing over to the baby. In any case… I’m… just so tired. Tired of this, tired of constantly worrying about my baby, feeling that I’m a horrible mother already because I can’t even provide a nurturing growing environment for my baby. That’s what it’s supposed to do!

FUCK.
*********Pardon my French, by the way – I was upset *********
So… they’ve been monitoring the baby’s size and condition via weekly ultrasounds and bi-weekly non-stress tests, and continuing to monitor my blood for increasing antibodies on a weekly basis. At my visit today (see last picture in post), Baby passed with flying colors. She’s still small – at 4lbs 11oz she’s only gained 9oz in almost two weeks. For some reason, I’m the only one concerned. I keep getting assured that they’re monitoring the baby, yadda yadda… but can’t anything happen in the few days between visits? I dunno. It seems I have to ask the right questions, take care of myself, because I can’t rely on the experts.

Fancy abbreviations I’ve learned (these are some random links about each one, but they’re are tons of resources out there):
IUGR – Intrauterine Growth Restriction (or Retardation)
SGA – Small for Gestational Age
AIF – Amniotic Fluid Index
NST – Non-Stress Test

In addition, I’m going to regular now-weekly prenatal visits (where I get to learn that my doctors don’t communicate very well, I’m almost 200 pounds, not eating nutritiously, and now under House Arrest and not allowed to work and contribute to our income). I think that just about sums it up.

How have I been spending my time now that I need to REST? Well… the other night, I “snuck” out and attended another baby shower thrown by Nichole and Katherine – it was AWESOME! it was much more intimate with just a few friends, but smashing food, decorations, favors, and special touches. I felt SO special, and had a great time. Hoping to post some pictures once Dan sends the ones from his digital cam. *HINT HINT*

And of course there’s always the internet. You know how when you buy in bulk, you have to initially spend money to save money? Sucks at first, but gets better in the long run? I plan on giving cloth diapering a try, and have been spending oodles of time trying to find good deals online since we’re plum outta cash right now (our regular bills and trying to finish the addition before the Big Day are sucking us dry). I’m happy to say that, although I’m really not certain what I’ll need by way of sizes and total supplies for each item, I have a nice little stash that should last for a little while. I may have quite a bit of laundry to do… but hey, I won’t be working! (pause) Well, not getting paid for it, anyway. For those interested – and it really is fascinating, how technical the newer versions and their accessories are – here are some that I currently have and/or plan on getting in the mail soon (some of them used): BumGenius, Haute Pockets, Baby Love, and Kissaluvs.

So, what makes this all worth it?

Look at those lips!

click on image to enlarge

I went to Women & Infants’ for my weekly ultrasound – and everything was okay. Phew! She was yawning for almost every picture – SO CUTE! Look at those lips! I said I have no idea how she can be so tired, and Phil said it’s from staying up all night, kicking me. Hehe.

She’s actually measuring slightly small for her due date, for which I was surprised (especially due to the fact that I’ve gained at LEAST 40lbs already!)… I’m hoping she stays on the small side! I still think she’ll be too big to come out!

It’s interesting how the doctors word their explanations, I guess so they’re not held liable for discrepancies. Today, he said “It looks like there is a very low risk that [your baby] could have anemia.” So… does that mean she COULD be sick and the machines just aren’t picking it up?? Grrrr.

8 Months: this is taking fover

It’s a cruel joke, telling women that pregnancy is only nine months. Pregnancy is forty weeks – you do the math. Don’t get me wrong, there are things I have enjoyed about being pregnant; I’ve already mentioned that I will probably miss feeling the baby move once she’s born. HOWEVER… I’ve been feeling the effects of being bigger all over, and I just can’t imagine eight more weeks of it (getting bigger all the while, of course – I can count on at LEAST a pound a week).

One of the things I just never imagined would be so inconvenient and uncomfortable is the constant feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. I can go three times within the space of five minutes, and still feel like I need to go! It gets worse if a certain someone – and I don’t mean Phil! – uses my bladder as a punching bag (or perhaps a trampoline).

Another thing which has gotten harder – simple movements you take for granted, such as rolling over in bed or bending over to put on socks and tie your shoes. They’re not impossible, and I CAN see my toes – but it’s amazing how much your pregger belly really does get in the way. It doesn’t just bend and squish like regular belly fat – it’s just there! I’ve told Phil I feel like it’s a detachable mass; I should be able to unhook it and take it off or something. In the shower, it just GETS IN THE WAY!

Lately, I’ve been VERY bummed about my size. If it were just my belly getting big, it wouldn’t be so bad. But it’s all the other areas in which I already tend to gain fat: hips, butt, thighs (NOT chest, of course). Even my face seems swollen, and I don’t recognize myself. Trying to keep active hasn’t been the easiest; my hips get very sore and painful, and it’s pretty much constant (which accounts for the aforementioned pain whilst trying to roll over in bed).

WAH.

If it weren’t for being worried about the health of my baby, I might be more upset about these things. But when I put into perspective, I really am doing fine. I didn’t get morning sickness like some women (although I did feel nauseous), and for the most part of been pretty positive about the whole thing. I think I may be more emotional as giving birth comes near, partially because I don’t really know what to expect. And of course I have doctor’s apts every week – one tomorrow and another Thursday – and I’m worried each time.

There have been a few nights recently where I just can’t get to sleep. It’s getting harder to breathe because of my poor squished lungs, so I lay there taking deep breaths, thinking everything over. I started thinking about my grandfathers again, and that made me sad (particularly because one of my grandmothers isn’t faring so well – I think she has dementia or something). Sometimes I move to the rocking chair in the living room – and I think about how I probably shouldn’t have more kids because of my condition. And I wonder about being a good mother, blah blah blah.

I have a lot on my mind these days. It’s like I don’t know how much more pregger-ness I can take… but I know she needs to stay in there a while longer to be the healthiest she can be, besides that the house isn’t ready… and am I really prepared?

  

cats make me laugh

One of the things I love about my cats is that they make me laugh.

Each of the cats decide if and when they want to come inside; I call them in at night, but sometimes one comes, sometimes both, sometimes they stay out all night. Petra hasn’t been around the past few days – and will probably come home with scratches on her head. *sigh*

The past couple of nights, I’ve let Twinkie into the main part of the house. She likes to climb on bed with us and sleep there most of the night; when Petra is in, she prefers the couch. Twinkie has been so silly; she did a couple things that I thought were soooo cute, and I just had to share.

She usually ends up wedging herself in the valley between Phil and me; I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and my movement makes her start purring. Sometimes I’ll pet her because I can’t resist, but once I start, she wants me to keep petting her and I’m usually too tired. There’s a point in the early morning where, even if the alarm hasn’t gone off, the cats know it’s time to get fed and be let outside. They’ll start roaming and meowing; if I don’t indulge them, they may decide to lay back down and go to sleep. The other morning, Twinkie wouldn’t let me get back to sleep – she kept coming back onto the bed and meowing at me. Finally, all was quiet… until I felt a soft, gentle brush on my face. I awoke to see her sitting next to my head, a paw touching my face, a gentle but persistent askance to “feed me!” It was THE cutest thing – like she knew if she did it too hard she would scratch me! I started laughing, and got up to fill her dish.

Last night, I was trying to get my huge belly in a comfy position, and Twinkie decided to get herself comfortable right on top of me. I LOVE when the cats want to sit or sleep with me, so I tried not to move her… but eventually couldn’t stand the position I was in. I held onto her while rotating and, miraculously, she stayed where she was and went back to sleep. I cradled her soft little body in my arms for a while – until they got too cold and I had to put them under the covers! Sometime in the middle of the night, Twinkie stretched her paws towards me and rested them on my face – where she left them! Almost as thought she wanted to make sure her mommy was there!

Petra can be equally silly. I like to leave the bedroom window open at night, and she usually comes wandering up to the porch after I’ve gone to bed; just as I’m drifting off to sleep she’ll meow from right under the window. Mom says this is practice for the baby! Well, whatever the case, it can be very annoying. So I go into the addition, open the French doors which are just down the porch (and a couple rooms away) from the bedroom window, and call her in. Whenever the cats come from complete darkness into a lighted area, they’re all squinty-eyed until they adjust to the light – it’s so adorable to see them walking around with eyes almost completely shut! Well, such was the case with Petra… she promptly went to where we usually keep their food dish, which has been moved because we have been making progress with the addition. Well, it was the most pathetic sight – her blindly heading right towards where her food should be, meowing in protest at the absence of said dish, and wandering around with her eyes shut, in search of sustenance. I couldn’t stop laughing!

Before I let them out in the morning, they follow me around the house. This includes going to the bathroom right when I get up; I’ll leave the door open a crack, and snicker as I see an orange paw snake it’s way between the door and the wall, trying to push it open. Finally, they make enough room to push their heads in, and in they both come. I pet them, and they sit on the rug at my feet. Usually, this is done in their squinty-eyed fashion, as I don’t like to turn the bedroom light on and bother Phil. So… one morning Twinkie had come in after me and was standing on the bathroom rug; Petra comes in shortly after, and promptly walks right under Twinkie’s body, as though it were a bridge for her own enjoyment! Twinkie didn’t seem to mind; just picked her feet up and hopped over Petra. Hee-hee. They’re such silly little orange clowns.